What does it mean to love yourself?

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Now in many articles and videos we can often hear such repeated phrases:

Love yourself;
- when you love yourself, others will love you too;
- you need to learn to be loved for yourself;
- self-love makes us whole;
- when you learn to honestly love yourself, then you will honestly be able to love others;
- etc.

When we watch any videos, webinars on self-development and the reasons for various problems are explained there, then often, when watching, we may have a phrase in our head: “OK, I understand everything. What am I to do with this?" The same goes for the advice to love yourself. "Love yourself" sounds as ephemeral and ambiguous as the advice "Don't be afraid." Because it is not clear how to do what is not your reflex and how you can stop doing what, on the contrary, is. Many, in theory, already know that loving yourself is profitable, good and great that there are only bonuses from this, but not many people know what exactly this love for oneself is and where to start. I propose to understand, especially since I periodically receive a request to write on this topic.

What is self love?

Many people perceive the meaning of "Love for yourself" differently. For example, someone can consume fast food every day, calling it self-love, appealing: “Yes, how long is the life to deny yourself this?”. For me, fast food is rather a way to shorten one's life and with self-love it does not carry any associations. Also, I will not call love the case when a wife puts dumplings on her husband's plate, with a belly and indigestion at the age of 30. Here it is more about indifference to his health and the length of his life. But. Wives with dumplings in freezers retort: ​​“Well, he wants to!”. But that is another topic.

Self-love is, first of all, self-respect. When I say the word “self-respect”, I mean a respectful and caring attitude towards myself as a whole. To your body, to your emotional state, to your soul, to your well-being. I'm not talking about falling in love with yourself, when a person is fascinated and absorbed in himself. I'm talking about respect for everything we're made of. And in this place, many plug. They can take care of themselves, develop intellectually and spiritually, but at the same time endure terrible discomfort in certain parts of their lives. Living with people you don't like, working at a job you hate, being in a depressing environment, suffering emotionally, and this is completely against all the laws of self-love. Being where we feel bad / stable uncomfortable and with those who exhaust us - we spit on ourselves. At this moment, a person absolutely does not respect his own emotional state, which also affects the physical. Self-love is excluded by him from himself.

It is often difficult for people to change their behavior with people and their attitude towards themselves, respectively, because of long-standing attitudes that bring shame, prohibitions, fear (to offend, seem harsh / impolite). So this includes the fear of failure. These attitudes greatly limit their actions and without destroying them, such people do not have the opportunity to feel something new in relation to themselves and something important within themselves. Destroying them is the most difficult only at the beginning. Then the result of these actions gives so much energy and confidence that the further process is carried out much easier on an emotional level.

We can say that a person is able to love himself only when he gains self-respect through his victories over himself. When he does something unusual or new to himself. Something that I hadn’t dared to do before or something that I had wanted for a long time. At this point, his self-esteem grows. And self-love has the ground to germinate. If self-respect is absent, then self-love will simply come from nowhere.

How to start loving yourself?

As a woman, I will say that self-love is felt when:

when we play sports. And even if we still need to work a lot on our form, our self-perceptions almost immediately become different. The level of the complex relative to the figure is significantly reduced. Usually, starting playing sports, a person becomes interested in taking care of his diet and generally stimulates to take care of his body as a whole.

When we make a choice in favor of ourselves: we do not tolerate bad attitude towards ourselves, we leave people who do not love / do not appreciate us, we create physically and emotionally favorable conditions for ourselves, we decide on bold actions for ourselves. Self-love grows every time we say “yes” to ourselves, and this “yes” develops us (not destroys us).

When we take care of ourselves. Sometimes coffee scrub for the whole body gives a strong effect. When you just like the condition of your skin and when you know that it is you who makes it so. When your hair flows and smells like you. When the legs are smooth and the face is fresh. Take care of yourself at home, go to a hammam / bathhouse, visit a beautician's office, call a massage therapist to your house, treat / correct / care for those places that need attention. In one of these processes, you can mentally say: "I do this because I deserve it, because I am a woman." Bliss...

When we stop ourselves from comparing ourselves to others. We often look at the profiles of other women who seem to us prettier, more successful, smarter and luckier. Having seen enough photos of their, as it seems to us, cloudless, carefree and joyful life, our own life and we ourselves seem to ourselves the third grade. For those who suffer like this, memorize as a personal prayer “They are they. And I am me. They have their own life, their own rhythm, their own destiny, their own sorrows and joys, and I have all this of my own. I will never be them. They will never be me."

The problem of self-dislike is quite solvable. It is only important to understand why you feel as if you do not love yourself? What keeps you from loving yourself? What do you need to do to say to yourself, at least "I'm proud of myself" or "I like myself"? This is the same elephant that needs to be divided into parts. Identify those problem areas that block the path to self-esteem, pride and sympathy for yourself and begin to work through them, starting from the most relevant points. On your own or with the support of a specialist. Self love is a thing, really. Finding it, any person finds a completely different life. This will be confirmed by anyone who lived in dislike for himself, and then acquired those skills that allow him to love, feel it, be joyful from it and also from the fact that this work on himself has been done. This is one of the reasons to respect yourself, be proud of yourself and not keep close to those who are not comfortable.

There are a lot of people who love themselves partially or formally. For example, here is a person who looks like a needle and seems to be taking care of himself. But you look, and he allows other people to treat him badly, unworthily, allows himself to be used, ignores his emotional needs and does nothing against it, accumulating resentment, anger and fatigue inside. That is, in one area he is successful, and in another absolutely not. Therefore, in this matter, it is extremely important to determine which part of you is not receiving love and attention (emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual). And from this place you can begin to plan personal work on yourself pointwise and start practicing. And if there is no vitality and enthusiasm for this now, then perhaps you now need to recover energetically and emotionally from any events and just be for yourself with minimal effort, which will be a manifestation of your attention to yourself and your condition. Self-love begins when we begin to notice ourselves, our feelings and needs. When we begin to satisfy these needs, love with ourselves has definitely begun.

Julia Dodonova

Do you think that to love yourself is to allow yourself to soak in a warm, foam-filled bath, to receive gifts and admiration from men, not to be loaded with problems and the task of providing for yourself? That to love yourself is to arrange holidays of pleasures, shopping, travel, vivid impressions? And if all this is not in life, then you say - I do not love myself.

Is this really so, and what does it mean to love yourself for a woman, let's figure it out with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology.

Why don't I love myself

The completed relationship with another young man left a caustic taste of resentment against him and himself - for the fact that the relationship did not work out again. After all, you tried so hard to be the most extraordinary for him, and again it didn’t work out.

Perhaps she was not so slender and graceful, she did not move in the dance like that, she enveloped his mortal body with insufficient care, and therefore he left, disappointed? And now you are standing in front of the mirror, looking for flaws in your figure, criticizing everything that is possible in yourself and for the hundredth time asking yourself a simple question - how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?

Magazine articles offer a variety of ways to love yourself. Courses and trainings of psychologists are advised to understand yourself and learn how to start loving yourself. And you succeed very well - until the moment when the door of the next training course closes behind you. But soon the euphoria disappears along with self-love, despite the fact that affirmations with the obligatory words “I love myself”, as expected, have been read a hundred times. Fragrant candles again do not help. Men never flock to their light.

What is happiness?

How to accept yourself as you are is a question of questions. And the systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand this.

It seems to you that if you don’t get enough pleasure, then you don’t love yourself enough, which means you need to learn to love yourself even more. But you can't give yourself more love. There is still no happiness. After all, you really want gifts, travel, protection and security, devotion, a real man. I want to get married and admiring glances.

I would like to receive! And from here, let's take a closer look.

Man always wants to receive pleasure. The question is how to get it. Pleasure is received not from increased self-esteem, not from self-love, but from the realization of one's innate properties.

I want love...

Most of all, a woman with a visual vector wants love. She is sociable, emotional, sensual. About this they say "the soul is wide open." She is so emotional that she will tell everything about herself, demonstrate all her emotions - from tears of compassion to hysterical concerts. But not for this, nature endows these wonderful qualities. After all, the talent of women with a visual vector is the talent of an artist, a figure in any other direction in art. It is they who become doctors and nurses, teachers and educators, because only they are given the ability to build emotional connections, compassion and help people. They perfectly find a common language with people because they themselves love everyone.

No need to puzzle over how to love yourself - you will get much more happiness if you love others. Build an emotional connection with a neighbor boy, a grandmother from your yard, a work colleague and you will immediately notice how you become attractive to others. At an unconscious level, people will feel your condition and want to be around, want to answer you with mutual feelings.

If you can draw, embroider, then take the time and enjoy yourself with such a pleasant pastime. Your state of anxiety and worry will be replaced by the pleasure of life. This is a very effective way to start respecting yourself. After all, you have talents. By manifesting innate qualities, you can change the state from dissatisfaction with yourself to love for life. And happiness will fill the whole soul, and the pleasure of life will supersede this difficult question, what does it mean to love yourself. It even seems that the sun shines brighter, the colors have become more diverse, and people are not so malevolent.

... And a reliable man nearby

A woman with an anal vector always puts her family first, she wants a reliable man nearby. In this she receives happiness and fulfillment. This is the perfect housewife. Cook, snuggle, create coziness. Well, where else can you find one?

But what if the relationship does not work out, if you do everything to be good, even sometimes to the detriment of your own interests? At first you try to do everything well, but if you don’t receive a worthy gratitude, you start to take offense. On him, then on yourself. A woman with an anal vector sometimes uses her phenomenal memory to never forget resentment.

The pheromone background of an offended woman is read by others on an unconscious level. Resentment smells the heaviest and worst of all. Despite the fact that outwardly she can demonstrate a smile and friendliness, no one is attracted to such a woman. It is difficult to communicate with her, to love too. The unconscious knows the whole truth. And it is impossible to deceive him.

Sometimes, mistakenly, the thought may come to her - since other people do not show respect for her, then she should increase her self-esteem and learn to love herself. Then others will love it too. But this is a road to nowhere. A person should not love himself. After all, he receives happiness and pleasure from life from interaction with other people.

The pleasure of failure

The skin vector is the desire for financial and social superiority. But sometimes it happens that we get an unsuccessful life scenario in childhood. For example, if parents often repeat to a child with a skin vector that nothing will come of him, he will be a janitor, he is clumsy and his hands grow from the wrong place, then they form a scenario for failure in him, which will manifest itself when the child becomes an adult .

Parents with an anal vector often say this. They mistakenly believe that by doing so they stimulate in the child the desire to prove that he is good, that he can become better, that he can achieve everything. But for a skin child, this does not work. Such words go into the unconscious, hinder development and stop any striving for superiority. For a woman with a skin vector, this manifests itself in unsuccessful relationships with men.

The super-flexible psyche of the skinner is designed in such a way that natural opiates can be produced to preserve themselves, which give pleasure, not only from good words, but also from bad ones. When a child is humiliated with words in childhood, he is relearned - he stops enjoying the good and begins to provoke bad situations himself to be scolded, humiliated, and enjoys it.

Having become an adult, a woman transfers a well-established habitual scenario into her adult life. She chooses a man who will humiliate, mock her. If she did not leave him immediately, then you can be quite sure that she unconsciously enjoys humiliation and even provokes them.

People around you can say as much as you like: “Yes, how can you stand it? Finally, start respecting and loving yourself!” But she herself does not realize that this is impossible until she gets rid of the script laid down in childhood. Only then will she be able to relearn and again enjoy not from failures, but, on the contrary, from happy relationships.

Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan effectively helps not only to understand what it means to love yourself for a woman, but also to begin to enjoy relationships with people. After all, happiness is not about self-love. This becomes clear already in the free online training and is proven by the numerous results of the listeners:

“... I feel inner confidence, and as if I always had it, the fear of new spaces, new places is passing, I am becoming bolder in communication, there is no longer this treacherous trembling in the knees and internal stiffness, as if blown away ... I felt inner lightness, as if something it fell into place. The understanding came that everything is in my hands, I can do everything and I can do everything, the fear of the future has disappeared, only now I understand what was meant by the fact that everyone is the creator of their own reality ... "
Julia T., lawyer, Cheboksary

“...Now I realized that we are nowhere without communication. Without people... why me then? Who is everything for? I want to work with them, communicate, benefit! There was a time (a year, probably, maybe more) when I did not want to see people, to dress beautifully. Went to work in jeans and a sweater. Not feeling like a woman. I am not me, I am it. But a few days ago, the desire to dress beautifully came, I put on a dress and I can’t get out of it))) I feel beautiful, feminine, desirable ... "
Nadezhda T., archivist, Belgorod

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"

Hello dear blog readers! What do you think it means to love yourself? How does this happen, and how does it help in life? I tried not only to answer these questions, but also was able to find ways to help learn this important process. By the way, I recommend going through and determining your level of self-love.

Why do we need this?

1. Success and realization of your needs

• A person who values ​​himself feels harmony and satisfaction, as he realizes his needs. And it is possible to realize them because she is sensitive to her desires, feelings and, in general, her state. In addition, he does not “punish” himself, limiting himself in some way, as often unconsciously happens to people.
• Attracts success, and you know why? Because it’s nice to be around such a person, he seems to radiate positive energy and unconsciously demonstrates to others that he deserves all the best. He is surrounded by successful and developed people, which means that life is filled with prospects and opportunities.

Just think for yourself, will the manager of an employee who does not spare himself, does not defend his rights, raise him? It is unlikely that he is comfortable, you can “hang” a job on him, which is not at all part of his duties, you can keep him late or call him on the weekend, but no more worthy position can be offered.

2. No conflicts

• Unhappy people usually provoke conflicts, they are ready to offend loved ones and not so much, thus at least slightly compensating for the disappointment and dissatisfaction that they live. But happy, harmonious people do not get involved in scandals, they do not react so sharply to insults and they do not have the need to hurt others, they simply do not need it, because the emphasis is on resources and opportunities.
• They are careful in dealing with such a person, because if he respects himself, he will not allow violence against himself, respectively, he will not attract tyrants into his life. After all, if I treat myself badly, do not respect and do not regret, then why should other people behave differently with me?

An example is the situation when parents give everything to the child, not allowing themselves extra sweets so that the baby has more. Do you think such a child, growing up, will be sensitive and caring towards his parents?

In most cases, no, because how can he learn this if adults themselves show him that he is more valuable, and their tastes and interests are not at all important? A person who does not value himself is ready to give everything to others, because they deserve it more, and remains in the expectation that he will someday be noticed and appreciated for his efforts. But no, this rarely happens, the person himself is responsible for his life, so isn't it time to start taking care of yourself on your own? Then the rest will join.

3. Health and respect

• He is healthier than the one who ignores himself, not only because he takes care of his health, but also because he “does not become overgrown” with psychosomatic disorders. These are the diseases that arose against the background of living or trying to suppress some feelings. For example, frequent resentment due to lack of attention to one’s person leads to a stomach ulcer, withheld anger “crumbles teeth” and provokes headaches.
• A person who is able to respect himself knows how to appreciate and respect others. He is not so critical, because he understands that there is nowhere without mistakes, it is comfortable and joyful next to him. And on the basis of this, people “stretch” to him and he manages to create strong, close and valuable relationships.

You can list endlessly, there are a lot of advantages and reasons to appreciate yourself, the main thing is that you realize why this is necessary for you?

Learn to accept yourself the way you are.

• The desire to develop and improve is great, but if you try to fit your image to generally accepted norms and stereotypes, ignoring your own characteristics and characteristics, nothing good will come of it, you will only cause harm and provoke stress against the background of inconsistency. Get to know yourself first.
• What do you love, what makes you happy, what scares you or makes you sad? If you accept your nature, you will know the secret of a happy and successful life. Suppose it is customary for a man to engage in purely masculine activities in his spare time, for example, fixing a car or making repairs. But what if he wants to cross-stitch? If he relaxes in the process and gains strength? He is now all the time in stress, not being able to reset it?
• Allow yourself to make mistakes, forgive for failures and bad decisions. If you stumbled, it means that at that very moment, in that situation, you could not have done otherwise, there was not enough experience, knowledge or strength.
• Long-term residence of dissatisfaction (due to low self-esteem and ignoring part of the needs) may well lead to the emergence of such a disease as depression. In the most severe cases, it is necessary to consult a specialist, if it just starts, and you do not feel heaviness, pain and sadness every second, then you can use the methods of dealing with despondency and use the recommendations indicated in it.

act

• Go for a massage, go to the gym, travel or take a walk in the park. Just finally do what was not allowed for a long time, postponing for later or coming up with excuses that there is no time, money or opportunities. And in general, make it a rule to please yourself with something every day, and every night before going to bed, answer the question: “What have I done useful for myself today?”. After all, how can you learn to love yourself if you don’t pamper and please?
• Don't be afraid to express your feelings. You have the right to experience different emotions, so you should not hold back anger, being afraid to express to the offender that it hurts. Of course, you also need to know the measure so as not to overdo it. The main thing is, as soon as you notice that you are being pressured, or you don’t like something, don’t be afraid to say it, you don’t have to be comfortable for others.
• No one has the right to treat you however they want. Patience is a good and useful thing, but not when you have to put up with humiliation, violence or insults. Allow once - and then you will find excuses for the offender, sometimes even agreeing with him. I will not tire of repeating - your responsibility for life and its quality lies only with you, so take care of it and do not waste it.
• Look in the mirror, what do you look like? A person who treats himself well will not allow untidiness, neglect in something. You don't have to follow fashion, but how do you take care of your appearance? What food do you eat? What are you doing to stay healthy and fit?
• We also recommend reading a small free book: « Spiritual Hacking. The path to youth, prosperity and omnipotence» .

Exercises

1. Write a list of 30 items, where you indicate your talents, abilities and qualities that you possess. Then think about each item, namely, where it can be useful to you. Also write 50 statements that begin with the words: "I ..." and continue in any form you want. Let's say "I am a gentle woman", "I am caring", "I am an excellent cook" ...
2. Remember, in school days, questionnaires were popular, where it was necessary to answer the question of how we see a certain person? This is called feedback. Tell your friends that this is important to you, so could they answer how they see you, how they treat you and what associations arise? What could be entrusted to you, what help or advice would you turn to? This is a very important stage, although it causes a desire to avoid it due to anxiety, but it is important to overpower yourself, because usually our ideas about our character do not coincide with others, and this is normal. This is important information: "How do I look in the eyes of others?".
3. Write negative habitual phrases in your address on the sheet. For example: "I'm a loser." Using the positive affirmation method, transform this expression into a positive, resourceful statement. Let's say: "I am a person who deserves happiness, I attract success and good luck." And every day, repeat to yourself like a mantra several times. If you can’t formulate it yourself, I suggest using ready-made working forms from.

healthy selfishness

Most importantly, learn to say no. Being comfortable does not mean being respected and worthy of love. Just remember, as a rule: "You don't owe anything to anyone."

Yes, it causes a lot of negativity and a desire to challenge, but it's true. You do not owe someone to make life easier by stepping on your own interests. You can only do this because you feel the desire to take care at the moment, taking responsibility for your decision, choice, so that later you do not blame the other for not appreciating your victims.

Can you tell the difference between "should" and "want"? See the article for more information on this subject.

There is a stereotype in society that one should not feel sorry for oneself or love oneself, since this is selfishness, which means it is shameful, wrongly ugly. It is important to understand the difference between these concepts.

Selfishness is when selfishness is excessive, when other people lose their value and significance for such a person. When they are needed only for gain, their needs are ignored and attempts to be equals are mercilessly thwarted.

Such a person, one might say, is "inferior", since he is not able to feel the whole gamut of feelings and emotions inherent in nature. He does not know what closeness and warmth are, what a relationship can give, where people value and respect each other.

Conclusion

I hope you were able to find the answer to the question posed at the very beginning, namely, why do you need to love yourself?

The material was prepared by Alina Zhuravina.

5

Hi all! Do you want to be happy? What is included in this concept, how is it to live harmoniously? A person has basic needs, without the satisfaction of which he will experience emotional emptiness. The need for love and acceptance is the third basic need that is important for a person. When a person accepts himself, other people take him into account. But what if a person has low self-esteem, and she cannot position herself on a par with the environment? In this article, we will find the secrets of how to love yourself and start respecting yourself, as well as see practical recommendations on how to live in harmony with yourself.

There are extremes in the development of a person's self-esteem, when a person "stars" and engages in "self-eating". Both options are bad, since inadequately overestimated and underestimated self-esteem causes difficulties in communication and building long-term interpersonal relationships. Therefore, be sure to find out from our last article and apply these tips.

Women and men have "weak spots" where they do not always feel confident. For the female half, the “weak point” is her appearance, for the man, his achievements in life. In these and some other areas, people are most vulnerable. If a person does not value himself, does not respect and does not set boundaries, it is difficult for others to appreciate him.

When insecure, it is common for a person to blame other people for the emotional pain they are experiencing. As a result of such internal experiences, he plunges into depression, anger and moves away from communication with others. But all this may not be if he begins to change his attitude towards himself in time.

What does it mean to love yourself? Many psychologists have studied this issue and have determined that loving yourself means accepting yourself. Accept who you are, forgive yourself for the mistakes you make, treat yourself positively. There is a lot of literature that talks about accepting yourself. Even the Bible says that a person should love his neighbor as himself. That is, the basis of good relationships with others is self-acceptance.

It is important to understand that self-love is not selfishness, it is the acceptance of all one's strengths and weaknesses, the right attitude towards them. If a person uses others for his own interests, violates their rights and manipulates, this is selfishness. A person with adequate self-esteem and normal values ​​will not do this.

Consequences of self-loathing

When a person does not accept himself and his appearance, he develops complexes. This may be a fear of people, an inferiority complex, guilt, negativism and other bad psychological phenomena. As a result, he suffers internally, the people around him and the areas of his life suffer.

The consequences of such an attitude to yourself can be such problems:

1. Bitchiness - in constant nervous tension, a person begins to defend himself, this quality is especially manifested in women. Trying to hide their weakness, women “attack”: they begin to manipulate men, to satisfy only their needs. This is a utopia, since they will not be able to build close and lasting relationships by playing the role of a bitch.
2. The victim is another defensive position. In fear of making themselves known, people sacrifice themselves to be celebrated and loved. The danger of such behavior is dependence on another person. The result is a feeling of rejection, loss and despair. Relationships on this basis can reach tantrums when problems arise.
3. Relationship breakdowns and failures. Those who have not accepted and forgiven themselves will experience problems in building relationships and difficulties in work.

An insecure, unaccepted person, unfortunately, cannot.

Tests

Let's say you realize that something is not going well with your self-esteem. What to do next?

In psychology, there are many methods that allow you to determine the level of self-esteem, self-acceptance. These are both scientific experimentally proven and popular science methods for determining the main inclinations of a person.

• “How much I love myself” - by answering 36 questions, you will see the attitude towards yourself;
• “Love for yourself: what is your level of self-esteem” - shows how much you value yourself;
• “Love for yourself” is an indicative test for determining the attitude towards oneself;
• The Do I Love Myself test is an informative popular science method for displaying self-acceptance;
• “How do you rate yourself?” - a professional test that shows the depths of your subconscious;
• The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is a professional technique that shows how a person feels and imagines himself.

After passing one or more tests, you have identified your problem. But the tests do not provide an opportunity to improve and increase self-esteem. They are like an indicator that allows you to observe yourself from the outside, pay attention to your behavior or character traits.

To accept yourself is to adequately perceive your inner and outer qualities. Personality change is a long and laborious process, provided that she herself wants it. Below is a selection of rules that will help you change yourself, love yourself and your body (if, in your opinion, the problem is in physical disabilities).

We struggle with dependence on other people's assessments

The vast majority perceive themselves as dictated by others. This attitude begins from the school bench, where the teacher's assessment is unshakable and indestructible: what level of knowledge the teacher saw, then this is what it is. These value judgments also affect us as adults.

Dependence on the assessments of others constantly feeds a person, he always strives for approval, if it is not there, the level of self-esteem decreases.

Try to fight this addiction: speak your opinion, even if it is wrong, do not believe in what is said about you in a negative way if you do not agree.

Try to laugh at yourself more often

Humor helps to survive in the most difficult situations. By translating everything into humor, you change the perception of the world. The ability to laugh at your mistakes is an art that not everyone can do. Scientists have proven that 5 minutes of sincere laughter prolongs life by 1 minute. If you laugh more often, life becomes brighter and longer, according to research and the minds of our contemporaries.

Tune in to the positive. Positive thinking. Try to turn even the most unpleasant situations into a joke. There is a story in which a girl “played for joy” - she found something to rejoice in even in the most ridiculous situations, when she broke her leg or was rejected by her relatives. This game really works! Look for a reason to rejoice in everything!

Don't talk bad about yourself in front of others

Everyone has the right to make mistakes, but if you tell others mainly your shortcomings, they will believe that these are your main qualities. But along with the shortcomings, each has a huge number of advantages. Every person deserves respect and love. When you're having a hard time, convince yourself of it. Notice your positive qualities not for the purpose of boasting, but for the purpose of using them for good.

Don't let others dictate how you live.

To live in harmony with yourself and the world around you, it is important to set your own boundaries. What is acceptable to others may be impossible or disgusting to you. What is bad for others may be great for you. We are all different, so do not let others dictate to you how to live, what to be, what to do.

The constant desire to please someone, to adjust to the values ​​​​of someone steals from you the golden time of self-realization. When you conform to the demands of others, you are not living your life. We must listen to advice and reject directives.

Control over emotions

If you don't, they will get the better of you. At one fine moment, unrestrained anger, resentment, anger can greatly compromise you. Unrestrained behavior entails a loss of self-respect and respect from others.

Take responsibility for your actions and life

Self-esteem has many components, but it's never too late to take responsibility for your life. If you take small steps towards your dream, you will see that you have achieved a lot. Start small: take responsibility for sleeping early and waking up early, take responsibility for drinking more water, not overeating, and so on.

Engage in self-development

It's always helpful. Trainings, motivational programs, motivating books will benefit you for a long time. Associating with smart people who can teach you something will enrich you spiritually. If a person does not develop, he degrades.

Trainings and courses, such as “Brain Detoxification”, will help to “reflash” the brain and tune in to self-esteem and a normal self-assessment. After completing this course, you will learn how to get rid of excessive stress, manage emotions and attention, notice new things and concentrate on the important.

Exercises

To learn to love yourself and live in harmony with yourself and others, take small steps towards the positive. Here are the exercises for each day:

1. Write on a piece of paper what positive character traits or abilities you have. Then analyze in which positive aspects you are strongest, which still need to be developed, what distinguishes you from others.
2. Write on a piece of paper what are the biggest challenges you faced and how you managed to overcome them. Think about these situations, remember your emotions. For this you should respect yourself!
3. Think back to all the goals you have achieved.
4. Think, write down the shortcomings and weaknesses that you have overcome.
5. If you have a choice: buy a few things or one good one - buy one good one. This item will make you feel more confident.
6. Try to devote time to your health every day. Start exercising, drink more water, eat right.
7. When you meet yourself in the mirror in the morning, smile, wish you a good day.
8. Be kinder. As you know, kindness will save the world. Don't judge others, you don't know what they went through. During the day, try to drive away judgmental thoughts.
9. Write down on a piece of paper the phrase “if I loved (a) myself, I …” and continue with 10 points.
10. Write down 10 shortcomings and rephrase them into virtues, for example: "I'm a spender" to "I'm generous." You need to choose only those qualities or features of appearance that interfere with life. When it comes to physical disabilities, it can look like: “I have big ears” to “I have beautiful medium-sized ears that allow me to be special and hear well.”
11. Allow yourself to relax sometimes. A cake once a week, a relaxing bath with candles, a favorite dress worn for no reason help relieve stress and feel like a living, confident person.
12. Think positively, because these are healing emotions that help you learn to enjoy every day. Someone said: if today I stood up on two legs, slept under the roof on the bed, have one change of clothes and is not hungry, then I am one of the few rich people on earth.
13. You need to get used to enjoying the little things: to notice the movements of beautiful leaves on the branches, listen to the birds singing, rejoice in your successes, get up after failures and move on. Take responsibility for enjoying life. And stop comparing yourself to others. It is known that there are no completely identical people on earth, we are all different. Even twins are different.
14. Comparison with others destroys the joy and contentment of life, depresses confidence and self-acceptance. A person tends to compare himself not with those who live or look worse, but with people who are more successful in terms of social status or achievements. That's what makes it hard to be happy.
15. Move the focus: if you are comparing yourself, take people with disabilities as a basis - those who, by a terrible accident, lost everything, lost their relatives, live in worse conditions. Appreciate what you have. Life is given only one, and there is no time for grumbling. Spend your time on something worthwhile. The best way to enjoy life is to help those in need.

Conclusion

So, how to love yourself, start respecting and live in harmony with yourself? The recipes are simple:

1. Take responsibility for your thoughts, actions and life.
2. Try to think positively, look for a reason to laugh even where it's not funny.
3. From the very morning, tune in to positive emotions, emphasize your advantages for yourself, and rephrase your shortcomings.
4. Learn to respect yourself, do not allow yourself to be humiliated, ridiculed, build personal boundaries.
5. Pay no attention to the opinions of others.

Psychological tests to determine the level of self-esteem will help you understand yourself. If needed, see a professional for help in accepting yourself. I wish you success!

Sincerely, Lyudmila Redkina

Our self-esteem is influenced by many factors that surround us in everyday life. Quite often, life tests our already shaky belief in our own worth. Therefore, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman is an extremely relevant, important, deep and reverent topic for everyone who is dissatisfied with themselves.

Self-attitude is formed in childhood and adolescence, when we begin to get to know the world and place in it more deeply. Love and confidence comes from self-esteem, and for many women it is, unfortunately, underestimated. It certainly affects the quality of life. To be truly happy, you need to seriously approach the question of how to love yourself. Be responsible for your own life - start correcting the situation immediately.

What is unconditional love?

The term "unconditional love" means "love without conditions." It is the acceptance of a person, independent of any time frame, material goods or states in which we are.

Love doesn't need a reason. They love not for appearance, not for a hairstyle, not for a figure. They just love it.

So where to start? First of all, understand what love is. Understand who you are. At the beginning of your journey, you need to realize: love is a feeling when we accept ourselves. Completely and unconditionally. With all the advantages and disadvantages. It is a down-to-earth and modest sense of oneself and one's life, which has nothing to do with conditional love, which breeds narcissism, selfishness and pride. Love is not pathos, not a desire to prove to others that you are better. It is not even a state of constant happiness and satisfaction with life. Harmony with oneself and the inner world, self-respect in all situations. It is simplicity and modesty. Self-sufficiency. Self-confidence. The ability to truly rejoice and feel the value of one's own Personality. This is the feeling of lightness with which we go through life. This is the way. Movement towards yourself. Continuous process. When you do not need comparisons, because you clearly distinguish: you are you, and others are others.

To make it easier to understand how to love yourself and be happy, it is important to follow the recommendations of psychologists.

Step-by-step instruction

1. forgive yourself. For bad deeds, for what did not work out. Let go of all grudges against others and situations in which you were wrong. Get rid of negative thoughts - they pull you down. Be kind to yourself. You've made mistakes in life and that's okay. Realize this and do not blame yourself for the failures that have accumulated like a snowball in the secret corners of the soul. Everyone has the right to make mistakes.
2. Accept yourself for who you are. Understand that you are an individual, a person. There is no such thing and never will be. This is a fact that you need to realize and accept, as well as your exclusivity, value in this world. Yes, it's not easy. However, only in this case you will sincerely understand how you can truly love yourself.
3. Realize that you are a self-sufficient person. Self-love should not depend on other people. Someone thinks that it can be obtained, for example, from a man, but this is not so. Love is within us. You just need to get to its deepest strings.
4. Learn to see and respect your Individuality. Even with all the weaknesses! Everyone has black and white, but this does not mean that you need to love only the good. Take the other side too! Love begins with respect for oneself. Appreciate your work, experience, thoughts and actions.
5. Strive to be the best version of yourself. Recognize the negative qualities and weaknesses that prevent you from becoming better. Correct them. Movement in this direction will bear fruit. Praised odes are powerless if you do not look deep into the soul. Psychological affirmations along with narcissism will only give a temporary effect. If your goal is to get to the very bottom and know yourself with all your heart, start with the inner content.
6. You need to love yourself in any state and mood. This should not affect how you treat yourself. This value is constant and should not be changed under any circumstances. Loving yourself for appearances alone is self-deception. Look for the Human in you.
7. Do not judge or criticize yourself. From the point of view of psychology, criticism brings only negativity and self-destruction. It is absorbed by the mind, takes possession of thoughts and sets you up for failure in the future at a subconscious level. Find words of encouragement and be kind and patient with yourself.
8. Don't complain, don't whine. Is there something you don't like and don't want to put up with? So take it and change it! Look at the situation soberly, rationally, think sensibly. Respect your mind. Only you have the right to take responsibility for your own actions and results. Nobody likes whiners. I want to love strong personalities, open, sincere, with kindness in their hearts, who bring joy and positive to the world, sharing their happiness with others. This is possible provided that Love reigns in the soul.
9. Stop paying attention to others and depend on someone else's opinion. Do not let him put pressure on you, pass through the prism of personal views. Sort opinions and draw personal conclusions. You must have your own clear position on certain things. Therefore, use good and useful sources of information, analyze and nourish the mind with the necessary knowledge. Don't tolerate what you don't like. This will not let you unsettle, but will allow you to love yourself and be confident in your own worth.
10. Set goals, achieve, develop as a Personality. This will help boost your self-esteem. By achieving your goals and getting what you want, you will increasingly strengthen your self-confidence. With a strong desire, a person can do anything! Goals will help you believe in your abilities, point you in the right direction, which will eventually lead you to victory!
11. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't try to be like everyone else. Such a strategy is doomed to failure and disappointment. The best example is yourself. There are no better or worse people, we are all equal. There are those who believe in themselves and those who do not. So be the one who accepts himself for who he is! No need for masks, games, riddles - they are appropriate only on stage.
12. Do not judge or criticize others. Do not allow yourself to think and speak negatively towards others. This empties the soul, takes away energy, accumulates anger and irritation inside and blocks the path to Love. Is this the life you wanted to live? With hatred in your heart towards yourself and others? We often interpret situations through the lens of our views and moods. Don't be a grumpy grandmother. Tune in to the positive. Your task is to bring goodness and light into the world. What you give is what you get.
13. love people. Truth. With all my heart. Yes, it's definitely difficult. However, try to see the good in them and focus on the positive qualities. There is one golden rule: accept others for who they are, without trying to change. When you love someone and are insanely happy, you are ready to hug the whole world and all the people around! So let this state begin with your love for yourself!
14. Spend time in a successful community. Strive for positive social circles. Connect with kind and smart people who pull you up, not down. With those with whom you feel happy, cheerful, sunny, loved, who radiate positive energy, and do not take away. Avoid grouchy, always dissatisfied, gossipers, all those who cause negative emotions and make you suffer.
15. Learn to say "no". Going against your desires means losing yourself over time, gaining insecurity and a decrease in vitality. Do not act at the expense of your own desires. It's your life and you have the right to do what you want! Have a personal opinion and desires. Let others reckon with them. Be honest - first of all with yourself. If you don't like something, you don't have to tolerate it. To be true to yourself means to understand your “I” completely. The ability to refuse will help you respect personal boundaries and truly love yourself.
16. love your body. Realize: wise Nature does not err. Appearance you received as a reward, so why not accept it? Answering the question of how to love yourself and your body, we can say with confidence: this is possible only through self-care. Go in for sports. Go for a massage. Eat healthy food. Take a break from the Internet and TV. Spend more time in nature, feel an integral part of it. She gave you something special - life. Strengthen your strength of mind and health. Going in for sports and following a healthy diet is already a considerable reason to be proud of yourself!
17. Don't be sloppy on the outside. Our appearance says more about us before we even open our mouths. Untidiness and carelessness in appearance and clothes is a sign of a lack of self-respect. It is enough to look clean and decent.
18. Develop your femininity. Girls are emotional and sensitive, often exaggerate, focus on the little things and shortcomings in appearance. First you need to understand a very simple thing: ideals do not exist in nature. But there is such a thing as self-improvement. Strive to develop femininity and positive aspects in yourself. When confidence in your own irresistibility (without pride, selfishness and pathos) gets stronger, others will be drawn to your inner strength and energy. Fill yourself, develop your feminine qualities. A woman who loves herself is betrayed by an inner feeling of happiness - she “shines”. They say about such people “with a twinkle in their eyes”.

Psychological techniques in practice

And now practical advice and work on the bugs. Your task is to work on your weaknesses, changing them to strengths, overcoming obstacles. The goal is to improve your Personality.

Making a list

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two parts. In the first write your positive qualities. In the second - what you do not like about yourself and what you would like to change. Then, in turn, cross out each negative quality on the list. Tear off this part of the sheet and tear into small pieces. (By the way, psychologists say that even after such a procedure, the soul feels better.) Memorize the remaining text and repeat it regularly. For example, every morning or evening. Then make it a point to add a new word to the list every three days. These simple psychological techniques affect not only the consciousness, but also the subconscious.

We are looking for a reason to be proud of ourselves!

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. And every day, take small steps to improve your own version. For example, you decide to pull yourself together and go to the gym. Do you know this sweet feeling when, having overcome a bunch of obstacles - laziness, excuses, and so on, you went to training? Or, despite the fatigue and lack of time, did the necessary work on time? At times like these, we are proud of ourselves! It is these feelings that you need to focus on in the process of increasing self-esteem! Focus on the good points that have already been achieved. If you set goals for yourself and achieve them, the feeling of satisfaction will never leave. Learning to appreciate your own efforts, work, yourself, in the end, will be much easier.

Self improvement

This is something that needs to be carefully worked on - replacing the negative with the positive. Try to imagine in detail your image that you would like to see in front of you. Each of us has weaknesses that it would not hurt to get rid of. For example, you are not punctual. This is annoying, angry, but you do nothing to change it and no longer feel dissatisfied with yourself. This means that the new you must learn to control your time and develop a high level of self-organization. And so - with all the qualities that do not suit.

Psychologists advise writing down your own path to Love on paper. Buy a beautiful diary or notebook, to which you will devote part of your time, which will become a friend, helper and reflection of your own “I”. Write down the changes that have happened to you. Start small and see how nice it is to get better!

It is impossible to take and love yourself at one fine moment, when you want it. We repeat, this is a constant process, the path to knowing your “I”, a great and hard work that you need to strive for. Only the feeling of unconditional love for yourself will make you happier and spiritually richer! Being confident is a luxury you can afford! This is the real key to happiness and success!