How to learn to love forever. A life story about how to survive a breakup with a person who no longer loves

How to stop loving a person: analysis and comparison of love with emotional addiction + how to stop loving someone who does not love you + psychologist's advice on how to stop loving a person + step-by-step instructions on how to wean yourself from a loved one and find your way + some tips on how to regain happiness.

Without a doubt, love is the most beautiful feeling on Earth, but sometimes it causes us so much pain that it seems as if love does not exist at all. Severe suffering overcomes not only girls, but also guys, so in our article you will find universal ways to stop loving a person.

Is it love or is it just what it seems?

When we fall in love, we grow wings, we want to flutter like a butterfly, hug, kiss and think only about pleasant things. Only the same sensations arise during ordinary sympathy or love, which has a short-term character. It is very important to be conscious of understanding your feelings so as not to break firewood and not hurt yourself as a result.

I suggest you figure out how love differs from falling in love or any other heartfelt emotion that can cloud our heads.

I want to note from myself that there is nothing wrong with love and falling in love. These feelings are interconnected, and often love is born out of falling in love. It is simply very important here not to lose your head, not to give your feelings the opportunity to control your life, otherwise there will be trouble.

I will share with you some thoughts that you should think about if you want to understand for yourself whether you love or you just think so:

1. If you need something, and this person who is nearby can give you, then most likely you do not love the person, but his ability to satisfy your needs.
2. If you do not let anyone else into your life, except for one person, then you are simply attached to him, because love is a feeling that goes all over the world at once if a person has met that very one.
3. If you often set some conditions for your beloved or try to limit him, then you are attached to him, because in love there can be no place for these manifestations.
4. If you allow a person who is nearby to always remain yourself, behave as he wants, this means that you truly love him, but if you still want to adjust him to yourself, then by love your feelings for him cannot be named.

As soon as you realize what feelings live in you, it will immediately be easier for you to accept and let go of everything around you.

TOP 6 ways to stop loving a person who does not love you?

I want to assure you right away that the end of the world will not happen, life will continue, and it will be wonderful and even better than you could ever imagine.

Yes, it will be difficult emotionally for a while, but there are great ways to get over the heartache very quickly, and I want to introduce you to them better.

Go on vacation - in a word, take advantage of this situation as an opportunity to know yourself better and reveal all your potential.

A life story about how to survive a breakup with a person who no longer loves

Unfortunately, I had a situation in my life when I realized that my heart was simply broken into smithereens. This pain cannot be compared with anything at all - it's just hard to breathe, and everything inside shrinks.

It was like this: we met with a guy for 4 years since school. Everything was wonderful, he entered the university a year earlier than me, I managed to enter the same place. My parents rented an apartment for me because they were against the hostel, and he lived there. I repeatedly offered him to move in with me, but he refused, saying that it was too early, which was wrong. We saw him after school and on weekends.

One autumn he came to me with flowers, we spent a wonderful evening, at the end of which he told me that we should leave because he does not love me. To say that I died at that moment is an understatement. I calmly escorted him out, and then sobbed all night. And then my friend saved me. I called her and told her everything. It was 3 am. She broke into me, came in a taxi with wine and chocolates. We talked until the morning, skipped couples, and in the evening she took me to the club so that I would throw out all my emotions.

The next day I went on a diet, dyed my hair, updated my wardrobe and bought amazing perfume. I began to look charming and receive compliments from everyone. I liked this state so much that after six months I stopped thinking about my lover. Of course, when he caught my eye, something “squirmed” inside, and it took me several years to erase him from my heart forever. And I am glad about it, because God rewarded me and sent me a wonderful man, with whom I am raising two wonderful children.

I have analyzed many scientific articles on this topic and have prepared for you a selection of the most useful tips on how to stop loving a person. I will present them in the form of instructions that must be followed step by step in order to have a positive result.:

1. Write down on a piece of paper everything that can connect you with your loved one. To do this, you can ask yourself a few questions and answer them in writing:
   • What did you get from this person?
   • What did you yourself do for him, and in return for this did you receive praise from him?
   • What are your plans for the future together?
   • What did you expect from him? What were your personal plans for him?
   • Which of the dishes did you often eat with him or perhaps you tried for the first time?
   • What did this person say to you that no one else said?
   • Where did you go with him, with what people did you communicate most often?

   After that, think about it, can't you yourself give all this to yourself? Do you really need a person who doesn't love you to get it? You will most likely be surprised by your answer.

2. Remember all the feelings that connect you with this person. And then convince yourself that they are not important at all - they are temporary, they can be obtained with another person.
3. Get rid of everything that reminds you of your loved one.
4. Silence the inner voice in you that will scream to you that you still love so much. To do this, you can also do written work, answering the questions:
   • How bad will you feel if you continue your relationship with this person?
   • What will change in your life if he is no longer in it?
   • Imagine that everything in your life is perfect. Are you ready to spoil this ideality with relationships in which there is no reciprocity?

Important: carry this sheet with you all the time so that you have the opportunity to get it and read it at the moment when you feel sad again. Gradually, you will convince your brain that you do not need a person, and this is how weaning from him will happen, you will stop loving him.

5. Recall situations in which your lover openly manipulated you.
6. Change your thinking. Stop being a victim and understand that you live in a world of abundance where there is no shortage of men - you can find the best candidate for yourself, because you deserve it.
7. Understand that you love only the image of a person. Look at how other people feel about this image.

We often dramatize and complicate everything instead of just enjoying life, being ourselves. For some reason, most are willing to sacrifice their uniqueness in order to please another, to please. By the way, I was also like that before, and how much I regret it.

6 Essential Steps: A Step by Step Guide to Soul Healing

The soul needs to be treated, although no one has yet invented a special medicine. But it is not necessary, because there are proven methods of experienced people who got rid of emotional dependence and began to live happily. I want to introduce you to them.

And do not try to meet with your lover until you feel that love has receded. If you allow yourself this weakness, then perhaps a relapse will occur, and you will again suffer greatly.

7 ways to stop loving someone who does not reciprocate:

A dream is the best way to fall out of love and become happy

I mean the dream of a new chosen one. Constantly imagine this person: what kind of hair, eyes, physique, what character traits, abilities should he have. Think about your future, about the house in which you will give birth to children together and begin to raise them.

If you want, you can sign up for a special blind dating club where you will spend evenings with guys or girls that you have not met before. Perhaps they will help you draw up a portrait of your ideal life partner.

Thinking how to stop loving a person? Here's a piece of advice for you: never sacrifice yourself, don't suppress your life energy, don't torment your soul and don't spoil your karma with your suffering! You were born to be happy, and love, as they say, "accidentally comes when you don't expect it at all."

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As soon as you have a breakup, you should immediately cut the person out of your life.

You're done, accept it.

The first advice of a psychologist on how to forget a loved one forever will be just that. Your past reality does not exist.

Your ex relationship is dead, the person is dead. Start looking at it this way now.

Let go of the past completely.

You seem to be reborn and start from scratch.

New world, new people.

2. Absolutely no contact with former lovers

Remove any connection with a person:

• in the Internet;
• by phone;
• by mail;
• Skype and other means of communication.

3. Remove from life all psychological anchors that evoke memories of a former passion

What anchors need to be removed from life in detail:

• common music that you spent time together;
• gifts (either hide in the basement, or give to friends);
• do not go to those locations and places where you had cool dates together before;
• any forgotten things: be it clothes or a lens from a former passion that has not been thrown out before (it's time to throw it away);
• delete shared photos and videos on your computer, phone and other media.

Follow these steps and you will get rid of restless thoughts about how to forget the person you love, but he does not have you, without any conspiracies and other nonsense.

4. Do not fall into his perception: do not think about what his head is doing

Do not fall into someone else's perception and do not think about what the former partner's head is doing!

Otherwise, you will fall into the pain of loss.

Do not be interested in the life of a past partner and do not fall into someone else's perception.

What does it mean in detail:

1. You should not care about the relationship of the former partner and with whom he is now.
2. It doesn't matter if your ex is suffering or not. For now, the only thing that matters is how you feel.
3. Do not hang and do not stick on the page in social networks of the former person.
   Knowing that he is doing better will not make you feel any better.
4. You don't get better or worse at hearing rumors or some news about a past person.
   Absolute and complete indifference!

Implement this principle and no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to forget a person with whom you will never be together.

5. Don't blame yourself for never being together again.

In such cases, the focus of a person can only be occupied with negativity, and it is a mistake to make only yourself the culprit.

Otherwise, negative energy will accumulate in you.

It is not your fault! What happened happened.

You don't have to beat yourself up!

A fine line which needs to be remembered.

1. It's cool that you look for your mistakes, analyze your behavior so as not to repeat your jambs. BUT: find these mistakes and don't attack and don't blame yourself!
2. Find mistakes for yourself, so as not to repeat them in other new relationships, and not to go back to the past partner!

You find your mistakes so that you don't repeat them with a new partner and never step on the same rake again.

Remember this, and you no longer need to look for answers to questions from psychology about how to forget the person you love quickly and in a short time.

6. We learn new insights and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again

Lessons are learned through analysis.

The analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible, and answering them in writing.

The more questions, the better.

1. Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner?
   Answer: myself!
2. Why did this happen, how did you let it happen?
   Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had a poor idea of ​​the person I wanted to see next to me.
3. What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what not in a relationship?
   The answer indicates the exact characteristics of the personality, not the appearance.
4. What did I understand and learn from past relationships?
5. What mistakes should I not repeat again with another partner?

Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write the answers to these questions.

Thus, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for the advice of a psychologist on how to quickly forget a loved one and start a new life.

7. Don't be alone: ​​Know that you are always full of choice.

You have to have faith that you will have another person with even more emotional connection and chemistry.

Know that you are always in abundance of choice. You can always find a soul mate.

You should not look at this as an everyday duty and a need to get a new partner as soon as possible.

Just understand that it is foolish to keep in your head what is no longer there until your death.

Accept change and don't resist it.

Any break you have this is a time of great growth for you.

Remember this and don't worry about how to forget the person you still like.

8. Do not blame your old partner and do not hold a grudge against him, remove the bitterness

Some people like to continue texting their ex or calling from time to time even a year after the breakup.

People hold in themselves the anger and negativity of past relationships, which then manifest themselves and have an effect in the next relationship. By having the same mindset in a new relationship, all the old mistakes will be repeated over and over again.

Don't fall into this vicious repeating circle.

A fine line. Instead of falling into anger at your partner, it is better to deeply thank him for what happened!

Through hatred, you yourself will maintain an energetic connection with your former lover, cling to him and why give energy to negative thoughts in vain. Do you need it?

You can easily fall into such hatred. Get rid of it, and by doing so, you will remove the worries about how to forget the person who hurt you once.

9. After a breakup, don’t label everyone as “they are all like that,” otherwise you yourself will attract such people into your life.

Often we hear from a person after a breakup: “All men are goats” or “All women ...”.

They painfully broke up with a partner, and now they themselves are looking for evidence in everything that “all men are like that” or “all women are like that ...”

And they do it unconsciously and do not understand it.

And you know what? It will be like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You will really attract these people to you.

And also having these attitudes in your head, you yourself will unconsciously look for such negative characteristics in other people, try to look for confirmation of them.

Why do you need it?

Stop lumping everyone together, and no longer ask questions about how to forget the person who betrayed you or acted in a certain way, not living up to your expectations.

10. Realize that nothing is permanent in the world, everything comes and goes.

Look at it from the spiritual side.

• You were born alone and you will die alone. Nothing is eternal.
• Everything is constantly changing. And it is useless to resist change. These are the laws of the universe.
• Do not cling to old emotions and memories.
• Life is like a slide. You are up and down. And that's what makes it interesting.

Realizing this, you will save yourself from the dilemma of how you can forget the person you love very much and blindly.

11. You must still be open-minded to a new person, aware deep down of the fact that nothing lasts forever.

There is such a trap of the mind: "To think that the relationship will last forever." Don't live this illusion!

But at the same time, you still open up to new people after breaking up old relationships, you are not afraid to open up and expose your real self to others.

Keep opening up 100% with other people and sharing moments together.

But realize deep down that there is an end to everything.

Example. You eat delicious ice cream. You can enjoy it. Enjoy the process. But deep inside you are aware and understand that the ice cream will run out.

If you think that you will continue to eat the same ice cream non-stop for the rest of your life, you are trapped in your mind.

He leads you by the nose and plays with you.

Be aware of this. Know all about in between.

It will be useful to remind yourself of this for women who are wondering how to forget a married man whom you love and still dream of some blind hopes in relation to him.

A fine line

• Don't forget to enjoy the process. It's like enjoying life until you die.
• It's the same thing with relationships: enjoy them because they can end.
• But do not deprive yourself of enjoying relationships with this knowledge.

Wise words of Osho in the video

On our site you can also to get over breakups and breakups relations.

12. When looking for a new partner, do not compare him with the old one, do not look for a replacement for him, look for and create new experiences

1. Do not try to find the same partner that you had.
   Don't look for the same person.
2. Don't make comparisons.
   It only spoils and destroys everything.
3. Don't look for the same personality characteristics as your ex.
   Do everything for a new interesting experience!
4. Do not impose the former manner and style of communication as it was with an old partner when meeting a new person.

You can also talk about attachment and love addiction in a new publication.

Remember these principles, and you will stop worrying about how to forget your loved one if you see him every day.

Example

Otherwise, for example, the guy broke up with the girl and now, when meeting a new one, he wants the new girl to behave in the same way as the former.

Then he imposes on the new girl a model of behavior that is not inherent in her.

But she behaves in a completely different way, the guy’s expectations are collapsing and this negatively affects your flirting and the process of rapprochement.

It is a mistake to see a new person as a replacement for the former.

It only makes your condition worse.

Do not try to close your pain with a new partner!

13. Review your personality traits, remind yourself of them

There is such an illusion after parting that now, allegedly, "you are not self-sufficient, because you do not have a soulmate."

It is especially found in girls who are disturbed by restless thoughts on how to forget their beloved man.

When it's all over, it's time to go back and re-evaluate your personality.

It is important to remind yourself of them!

You need to reconsider the new you that went through this whole journey with a past partner.

Continue to enjoy life, discovering and learning even more of a new you.

14. Understand that your passion, self-sufficiency and love are always with you, no one can take it away from you

Let's look at three simple steps on how to forget a loved one, and analyze the psychology of such perception.

1. Realize that no one can take away your passion and true purpose from you.
2. No one can take away your life, your partiality.
3. Your self-sufficiency should never depend on externals. Whether you have a significant other or not, you are still self-sufficient.

15. Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs.

We attract who we are.

You must realize that you can attract the best partner.

But the paradox is that people themselves do not want to be with the best partner!

Why does this happen to people?

Because after a long relationship man taught himself: “I love my soul mate. I don't want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us."

Track this habit in yourself and get rid of it.

People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget the person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.

16. Do not look for a new partner because of revenge or in order to make the old one jealous.

• Do not fall into the trap of your ego! Don't have these low, insignificant selfish motives.
• It is a gross mistake to find new partners only for the purpose of asserting themselves in the eyes of the former!
• Otherwise, by such actions you will only strengthen the thought in your mind: “She/he is the only one”.
• And then all your selfish actions in order to arouse jealousy or out of revenge are a big reaction to a former partner.
• Let it all go and enjoy a completely new partner, share your passion with each other.
• Have the perception “Now your ex is a random passer-by” and there is no point in thinking about him.

Keep these principles in mind to close your questions on how to forget the person you love and see every day.

17. Don't make the following common mistakes that don't solve problems

What does NOT solve problems after a breakup:

1. From alcohol, all sorts of substances, random connections of meaning and benefit to zero.
2. Trying to travel or move is all trying to run away from the problem and pretend it doesn't exist. It's like a soldier was shot in the leg, and he went on a forced march to run a kilometer and pretends that everything is super with him.
3. Remembering the negative qualities in the former person and the negative in the past relationship is another absurd piece of advice! By following it, you are still thinking about it! You will spend a lot of energy on these thoughts, the negative takes a lot of energy.
4. To think of some other person is the most useless advice. This is tantamount to telling you not to think about the pink elephant that pops up in your head anyway. Not thinking is also an action, which is also energy-consuming.

It is better to re-read all our advice again and live in harmony. They contain everything you need to realize and what to do to forget the person you love unrequitedly, once and for all.

If you love someone, but he does not love you, then it may well give up that the end of the world has come! The pain that you feel in this case cannot be called ephemeral. Scientists have proven that the pain of a broken heart activates the same neurons in the brain as ordinary physical pain! And even if you can’t command your feelings and heart, you can cope with rejection and unrequited love and live on!

Steps

Part 1

Realize that the pain you feel is completely normal. Yes, unrequited love hurts, it hurts almost for real, and all because the "broken heart" triggers the reaction of the parasympathetic nervous system (it is she, by the way, that controls the heartbeat and muscle tension). The pain of unrequited love is natural, so accept it and help yourself.

Allow yourself to grieve. If your love is not mutual, it hurts. To overcome the pain, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over the hurt and missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with indulging in your emotions, as long as you don't get stuck in that state. In fact, it’s healthier if you feel sad and don’t suppress your emotions.

• If you can, take a little break from everything that fills your life and give yourself over to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your emotions. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never love you back, you need to be alone with your thoughts for a while, even if it's just a 15-minute walk from work.
• But don't wallow in despair. If you haven't left the house in weeks, haven't taken a shower, and walked around in the same tattered sweater that is long overdue for burning, then you've gone beyond all reason. Feeling sad is natural, but not trying to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love pangs.

1. Understand that you cannot control the other person and their feelings. Yes, your reaction in the first moments after receiving a refusal may be thoughts like: “Yes, I will make him / her love me!”, And this is natural - natural, but absolutely meaningless and incorrect. You can only respond and control yourself and your reactions. To convince, force or force someone to reciprocity, alas, will not work.

   • By the way, we can’t always control our own feelings, so it’s worth working on this.

2. Stay away from this person. In part, to create space around yourself to grieve, and then continue to live - perhaps if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely cut your unrequited love out of your life, but you do need to take a break.

   • You can even talk and say something like, “I know you don't love me the way I would like to. But I really need some free space to get over my feelings.” If it's a good person, you'll get the space you want, even if she/he is a little hurt by the distance between you.
   • If the person you're trying to stop loving is someone you've relied on for a long time and could turn to for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can count on help when you want to talk to someone you are currently trying to distance yourself from.
   • Remove this person from social networks or at least hide his or her posts, remove the number from mobile contacts to eliminate the temptation to get in touch again. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him/her and what that person does. This will make it harder for you to keep your distance.

3. Express your own feelings to yourself. Give your emotions an outlet, don't keep them to yourself, provoking a breakdown! In this way, you will help yourself get through this painful experience. Yes, losses or disappointments often make us withdraw into ourselves, at least at first. Nevertheless, one should not hope that these feelings will disappear on their own - nor should one belittle oneself for the fact that you feel all this. Express your feelings openly and honestly!

   Realize that it will be better for you. No matter how wonderful a person is, you better not love someone who does not love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you stop loving a person, most likely you will notice the reasons why the relationship between the two of you would not have taken place anyway.

   Don't blame him/her. Just as you cannot control your crush, this person cannot control their feelings. If you start blaming this person for being just friends or for not being reciprocated, then you will simply put yourself in a bad light. The emphasis on bitterness will also not play into your hands.

   • You can be sad because your love is not mutual, and at the same time not turn it all into a blame game. If your friends start blaming this person for not returning your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, “It's not fair to blame a person for something they have no control over. Let's better focus on how I can overcome this."

4. Get rid of reminders. You may cry at having to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will complicate your later life, and you do not need this!

   • As you move from one thing to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine that you are putting a memory into a balloon. When you get rid of the item, imagine that the memory ball is blown away and never comes back.
   • If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider giving them to a thrift store or donating those items to a homeless home. Imagine all the new memories your oversized sweater, teddy bear or CD will bring to its new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.

Part 2

1. Don't get drunk and don't call this person, don't text. In situations like this, especially in the beginning, people get a desperate feeling to call the person. It's much easier to control yourself when you're sober. Drunken reproaches because you are not loved, or tears because you are in a lot of pain - and now they will definitely never want to deal with you. If there is even the slightest chance that you will do something that you will later regret, take some precautions.

   • Give your phone to a friend (preferably a "sober driver") with strict instructions not to give it to you, no matter what excuses you come up with or how hard you beg.
   • Delete that person's number from your phone. This way you won't be tempted to call or text when you're drunk.

2. Take a break. Although it is impossible not to think about something, it is possible to divert your thoughts to something else until you start falling down the rabbit hole again. Every time a memory pops up, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project.

   • Call a friend. Pick up an exciting and engaging book. Watch an amazing movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Do math calculations. Find something to keep yourself occupied in order to put this person out of your head for a sufficient time. The more you do not think about him or her and it becomes a habit for you, the easier it will become for you.
   • A handy trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time to think about this person. When you notice unnecessary thoughts starting to creep into your head, tell them, “Not now. I'll deal with you later." For example, to start with, you can devote one hour a day to this. Throughout the day, you will brush aside the thoughts of your unrequited love and immerse yourself in them only during this allotted hour. Once the hour is over, you will return to your normal routine.

3. Know that unrequited love is not painful for you alone. Yes, you were rejected, you are very, very hurt. However, according to scientists, this is a double-edged sword - it hurts the one who rejected you too! Few people like to hurt other people.

   • Remember that it can be very frustrating for someone who has not reciprocated your love because he / she is not able to give you what you need. After all, you yourself understand that if you are not reciprocated, then this is not because you have managed to fall in love with someone who only dreams of hurting you.

4. Make a list of all the good things you have. Rejection can awaken in you a terrible self-criticism, which will convincingly prove that there is nothing to love you for. Don't let this monster wake up! Do not think that there will be no love in your life, since everything happened the way it happened. Scientists believe that those who do not forget that they are worthy of love, cope with a broken heart faster and better get through similar situations in the future!

Part 3

Avoid mental triggers. It's hard to heal from unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the person who broke your heart. Don't look for a song that reminds you of that person, or of a wonderful time you had.

Talk to someone. It is better to strip yourself of the emotional and complex aspects of the healing process. If you cling to emotions, it will be harder for you to let them go forever. Find someone you can sincerely tell what you're going through and how you're feeling.

Enlist the support of those around you. Rejections of any kind, especially romantic ones, come with a lot of complexity - you start to feel "isolated." Yes, you may not be able to build relationships with someone, but this does not mean that you cannot strengthen your relationships with other people?!

Don't frustrate your own healing. There are certain things you should stop saying to yourself. Certain thought patterns can derail your healing and make moving forward much harder.

• Tell yourself that you can live without that person, who, moreover, is far from ideal. You may well fall in love with someone else!
• Remind yourself that both people and situations change. How you feel now will not last your entire life, especially if you are actively working to change your state.

1. Treat the situation as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Yes, no one wants to be left with a broken heart, but even this sad experience can be used to good use - let's say, to get to know yourself from a new perspective, to grow above your current self. Unrequited love can be the key to personal growth in the future.

   Change your daily routine. According to research, doing something new - like taking a vacation, or at least changing the route you take to work - is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones.

   • If you can't afford something big, make small everyday changes. Visit a new part of the city. Spend a Saturday night at a new establishment. Become a member of a new musical group. Learn a new hobby - like cooking or rock climbing.
   • Try to avoid anything too radical, unless you're sure you want to do it. In a difficult period of life, many people shave their heads or get a tattoo. It is better to wait until you feel a little better, and then decide on these kinds of changes.

2. Find yourself. You've been so caught up in falling in love with someone that you've completely forgotten what it's like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to determine who is behind these feelings for another person.

   Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you move beyond your usual routine and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy over a person who does not love you.

Part 4

1. Know when you're ready to move on. There is no specific period when one should move forward after unrequited love. Everyone goes through it at their own pace. However, there are certain signs that you are ready to move on and forget about the person who turned out to be uninterested in your love.

   • You start noticing what's going on with other people. Often, when a person is in the mourning stage, they tend to withdraw a little into themselves. When you become interested in what everyone else was doing at that time, you will understand that you are on the right path to healing.
   • Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is not familiar to you), you no longer think that this is your loved one, suddenly realizing the full depth of true love for you.
   • You have ceased to identify yourself with the hero of every song or movie about unrequited love. In fact, you have begun to expand your repertoire to include things other than love or love-pain.
   • You no longer fantasize about the fact that this person will suddenly realize what a mistake he made, and how strong the love between you is, and then fall at your feet.

2. Avoid relapse. Even if you're already ready to move on with your life, it's sometimes possible to re-catch a love fever if you're not careful. It's like removing stitches from a wound too soon. She is healing well, but is not yet ready for intense exercise.

   • Don't spend time with this person and don't let him or her come back into your life unless you're sure it won't bring back feelings for you.
   • If you find yourself starting to revisit the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not go to waste. Backtracking happens and if you immediately decide to give up, it will be very difficult for you in the long run.

Often and strongly fell in love and hard experienced parting. Along with relationships, she also had other goals in life, she always firmly walked towards them - but all this was secondary. From adolescence, I began to understand that my moral principles do not quite correspond to the modern world. I saw a happy life like this: to fall in love, to give my virginity to one person, to marry him, to acquire my own home, to give birth to two children and live happily until old age ...
At the age of 17, I started dating a guy I had known since childhood. We constantly fought, but did not lose each other. At the age of 18, I decided to have sex. And less than a month after the first time, he proposed to me. I agreed, because everything in my life went according to plan. We signed, then began to live together. They were going to take out a mortgage when I finished my studies and got a job. By that time, my husband had promised to stop smoking so we could start planning for healthy children. In general terms, everything turned out the way I always wanted. And I just did not see other options for my life.
But for almost the entire period of living with my husband, I was in a stressful state. The fact is that he constantly deliberately unbalanced me. I felt by trial method what phrases offend me, and at any opportunity I uttered them. The most frequent, for example, was the sentence "It's all your fault." Always as a joke and at any opportunity (be it an earthquake, or a power outage in the house). Also, he watched porn, knowing full well that it hurt me. Our sex life was not boring, I was never against new experiments. I thought that there is nothing forbidden from what could happen between two loving people. But my husband still regularly climbed the Internet for another portion of pleasure while I was at school or in the store. In addition to all this, he often expressed his dissatisfaction with my clothes. He protested against miniskirts and any slightly open tops. He was often jealous, but tried not to show it. All his friends admired me, told him that he had a wonderful wife - but he hid these compliments from me. Gradually, my self-esteem dropped ... It hurt me that a loved one was changing me for prostitutes from the Internet ... I asked him never to do this, but he continued ... I tried to deny everything to the last, lied ... Two once swore by my life, but violated it... It just destroyed me... I often felt devastated... Oppressed... And my tears absolutely did not touch the person who, it would seem, should protect me from adversity. He was cold-blooded when I suffered through his fault.
But our relationship had another side. My husband often kissed me, always called me Beloved, helped me around the house, anxiously supported me during PMS, caressed me, gave me flowers, tried to make compliments himself, did not disappear with friends, and most importantly did not change.
Based on all this, I considered our relationship more positive than negative. So we lived until I finished my studies. We (mostly me) began to think about all the nuances of the mortgage. BUT. The husband did not quit smoking (neither by the expected time of planning children, nor a year later), and earned asthma. Even without this, his health was never strong, there were genetic diseases. And I always believed that true love and mutual desire can overcome everything. But after years of waiting, I realized that the aspirations were one-sided ... And soon, my maternal instinct began to take precedence over love ... I could not afford the risk of giving birth to sick children.
I began to go over in my head the most terrible options for getting out of this situation. I even thought about cheating on my husband once with any strong and genetically healthy man, in order to get pregnant. But then I realized that my husband would not be able to provide for the child financially or raise him. He himself never had any goals in life, except for playing computer games and buying a new fishing rod. I always pulled all the serious problems on myself: I need a mortgage - how best to take it, I think, the money in the family has run out - I'm looking for someone to borrow from. He did not even try to fix anything himself when I was waiting for decisions from him. With going to work, I saw that there are other men - responsible and purposeful. It was hard because my husband was already happy with everything, while other people were spinning.
In the end, I sincerely wanted a divorce. My pain threshold was exceeded six months before this decision was made. For several months I had a breakdown, the temperature stayed below 36 degrees ... This brought me closer to the full realization that my relationship with my husband was completely unhealthy and unhealthy ... We stood in one place for so long, despite the fact that I am a purposeful person. My husband just pulled me down...
I filed for divorce through the courts on our four year anniversary. She left confidently, with great indifference and emptiness inside. There is nothing left of love. The husband suffered a lot, tried to return, waited.
But when I arrived at my new apartment on the first day, I felt such a relief ... I realized that I no longer need to carry the burden of the hassle of another person ... Who himself is not particularly interested in improving his life ...
Time has passed. After that... I thought several times that I fell in love with other men. But at the slightest misstep, my feelings immediately evaporated. Everything ended for me no more than a week of suffering due to the termination of communication with them. At a certain moment, I realized that my feelings are completely subject to my thinking. If I tell myself that it doesn't hurt me, it won't hurt. I decide that a man should be indifferent to me - it will be so. I don't love anyone but myself and my family.
Since my divorce, I haven't been single. Our common friends with my ex-husband began to show interest in me. I chose one of them. He is younger than me, but more reliable with him than with anyone I have ever known. Now we are meeting. He does not drink, does not smoke, is always ready to help me with men's work. He is not boring, he is caring. But I have almost no feelings for him either ... They were very strong at the very beginning of the relationship. But when I found out that the guy did not interrupt his hot communication with another girl via the Internet in time, all my feelings disappeared ... At the moment, he rebuilt a lot in his life for me, even interrupted communication with childhood friends. But I am constantly afraid of betrayal and lies, afraid of getting a knife in the back. Perhaps this prevents me from opening my soul to someone. I often want to destroy relationships in order to avoid any risk. I can never learn to trust anyone other than myself... At the same time, my boyfriend does not feel the lack of my love, because I am very affectionate, gentle and caring by nature. But now these are nothing more than traits of my character. They are not supported by feelings. I don’t know how to sincerely love, but I would like to ... I don’t believe in love anymore, I don’t believe in sincere care, I don’t believe in honesty ... Is it really so that emptiness will always alternate with anxiety in my soul ..?