Said:

One man's wife got sick. Sent her to...

One man's wife got sick. He sent her to the hospital, where she was urgently operated on. After some time, Ivanov calls the hospital to find out how the operation went:
- Hello! is this a hospital? who's on the phone?
- Duty sister!
- Listen, sister, call the doctor who operated on the sick Ivanova. It's her husband that worries you.
- I'm listening, - answered the phone.
- How was the operation?
At that moment, the telephone operator mistakenly switched Ivanov to another subscriber, where the auto mechanic was talking with a client who had handed over the car for repair.
Ivanov heard the following:
- We replaced her ass.
- Ass? .. oh! Ivanov was surprised. - Yes.
- Are you out of your mind? After all, she had a pretty decent ass!
- Please do not argue. Her butt was so worn out that it was impossible to restore, apparently she was used without the knowledge of the owner on the bushes and stones. Therefore, there are scratches on the lower part, in addition, the buffers are completely sagging, they dangle very much, we also pulled them up. The front end was also worn out, so that it would be impossible to use it further. We planted a bushing for her, expanded it to a normal diameter and achieved a tight fit, she apparently ate a lot of oil, ate so much that she herself was not worth it. We have corrected this defect.
- About the fact that she loved butter with me, then this is true, and if you made her eat less of it, that's good. With regard to the backside and all sorts of the most there - it's just impudence ...
Mechanic:
- Please do not argue, you listen to me to the end. We did everything that was necessary for her and after that we tried it once. True, at first she behaved somewhat restlessly, threw up a lot, sneezed, blew a lot of gas, got very hot, but then she began to breathe evenly, so you can come tomorrow, we will try it with you, and you try it in our presence. After that, you can take it for personal use. Hope you enjoy it.

Your loved one has serious health problems. This may be due to illness, injury, surgery, or other causes. His health problems require specialized medical care, the so-called "intensive care" (colloquially - "reanimation"). The intensive care unit is often abbreviated as ICU in avian medical parlance.

Important! Just being admitted to the ICU does not mean that your loved one will die.

After successful intensive care in the ICU, the patient is usually transferred to continue treatment in another department of the hospital, such as surgery or cardiology. The prognosis depends on the severity of the patient's condition, his age, concomitant diseases, the actions and qualifications of doctors, the equipment of the clinic, as well as numerous random factors, in other words, luck.

If you have to nurse your loved one for long weeks, months or years, resuscitation becomes a significant part of life. You will need endurance and composure. Help the staff as soon as you feel that you have mastered the basic skills. I know of cases when relatives of intensive care patients subsequently changed their life path and became nurses and doctors.

For the relatives of his patients wrotepracticing neurosurgeon Alexei Kashcheev.

There are many indications for removing the foreskin in adults. They can be divided into:

Urologists believe that circumcision in adults should be carried out only for medical reasons. The most common cause for circumcision is phimosis, paraphimosis, a shortened frenulum of the glans penis.

These defects prevent a normal sexual life, in some cases they can make it difficult to urinate. Usually the operation is performed at a young age, but sometimes pathologies occur in older patients.

At the age of 60-70 years, the uncircumcised foreskin can grow, blocking the urethra.

Another strong argument in favor of circumcision is the reduction in the risk of cancer. They are provoked by smegma - a secret that accumulates under the foreskin. Removing the skin fold reduces the risk of glans cancer in men and malignant tumors of the cervix in their partners by 80%. There is evidence that male circumcision helps reduce the incidence of AIDS.

There are practically no contraindications to the procedure. Some caution should be observed in men with reduced blood clotting. Circumcision is not done in acute inflammatory diseases; in severe chronic ailments, consultation with a narrow specialist is necessary.

Methods of surgical intervention

Circumcision refers to plastic surgery. Modern surgery offers several options for intervention, the choice depends on the joint decision of the patient and the doctor.

The following circumcision options are possible:

The choice of circumcision technique depends on the size of the foreskin, the appearance of the penis, the wishes of the patient, and other factors.

The operation of circumcision is irreversible, therefore, before starting it, it is necessary to weigh all the advantages and disadvantages. Complications are rare, in some cases an allergy to medications or scarring is possible.

Preparation for the procedure

The operation to circumcise the foreskin in adults is carried out on an outpatient basis or in a hospital.

1. For adolescents, general anesthesia is used, for adult men, local anesthesia is more often used. Circumcision is impossible without anesthesia.
2. Before the procedure, it is necessary to take a blood test confirming the absence of infections and inflammations.
3. If there are venereal diseases, it is necessary to cure them completely and only then think about circumcision.

Before the operation, the penis is disinfected with special preparations and clamped with a tourniquet at the base. Anesthetics (lidocaine, ultracaine, ubitesin) are injected into the tissues of the penis with a thin needle.

The operation is not painful, in the foreskin there are practically no nerve endings and large vessels, damage to which causes severe bleeding.

How is foreskin circumcision performed?

So how does male circumcision work? The course of the circumcision operation will be as follows:

1. After anesthesia, the foreskin is pulled back with clamps, an incision is made in the skin, after which the foreskin is removed in a circle using a scalpel or surgical scissors. The amount of skin removed depends on the chosen circumcision technique.
2. Usually, the frenulum of the head is not affected, but if it is defective, simultaneous plasty is possible. Too short a frenulum is cut lengthwise with a scalpel, and then sewn with an extension suture. As a result, the skin becomes less sensitive to breaks.
3. After circumcision, the foreskin is sutured using absorbable sutures. The success of circumcision of the foreskin in adults depends entirely on the skill of the doctor. Particular attention is required when the foreskin is completely removed, as there is a high risk of damage to the head of the penis. Only a specialist can properly circumcise a penis!

How long does a circumcision take? The average duration of the procedure is 60 minutes.

Below is how men are circumcised - a photo of the foreskin:

Useful video

You can see the whole process of male circumcision in the video below:

Postoperative care: the secrets of a quick recovery

In the first hours after the circumcision operation and the weakening of the effect of anesthesia, the patient may feel pain, which is relieved with the help of anesthetics, the discomfort completely disappears after 1-2 days.

1. Postoperative sutures are processed daily. In the first 3 days, the sterile bandage is changed 3 times a day.
2. Then the procedure can be carried out 1 time per day. The dressing is soaked in hydrogen peroxide or a decoction of chamomile, this allows you to remove it without pain and not injure the wound.
3. The dressings are changed for 10 days, then the suture area remains open. For disinfection, it is treated with hydrogen peroxide or chlorhexidine. The stitches do not need to be removed, the threads dissolve on their own.

In some cases, patients observe sanious discharge. The treatment of seams with Levomekol, a solution of furacilin or potassium permanganate will help to remove them. Taking Methyluracil will help speed up wound healing. If the bleeding does not stop, an urgent consultation with a urologist is necessary.

It is important to monitor the drinking regimen. You can not drink too much liquid, instead of diuretic drinks such as coffee and black tea, herbal infusions, homemade fruit drinks and pure still water are recommended.

The recovery period lasts about 2 weeks. During this time, the seams completely heal, swelling subsides, the penis becomes normal. Another 2 weeks you must refrain from sexual intercourse and masturbation.

In the next few months, it is better to use barrier contraceptives (condoms), which reduce the risk of infection or microtrauma. With the appearance of edema, baths with table salt are recommended (1 teaspoon per glass of warm water).

Circumcision in adult men is an operation that is performed for medical, hygienic and other indications. There will be no complications, and the recovery period will not be delayed and the patient will quickly return to normal life, subject to the rules of hygiene. Thanks to the article, you learned how circumcision is carried out, with the patient being admitted to the hospital or on an outpatient basis, you got acquainted with the photo after the circumcision operation. We hope this information was useful to you!

Recently I was admitted to the hospital. It's okay, she's alive and well.

In this post, I decided to describe how operations are carried out in our Krasnodar, so to speak, my experience.

Background of the disease

Recently, I found a hard small lump above my navel. I'm probably one of the few who feel themselves)) And this is the right thing to do. I got worried because since the period of breastfeeding, I remember that there should not be any hardness on the human body, unless of course it is a bone))

I went to the state clinic, where they told me that it was a hematoma. The doctor thought that someone hit me in the stomach, and I don't want to admit it. I was prescribed to do compresses and if the hematoma does not resolve after 2 weeks, come back.

I did the compresses so intensely that I even burned my skin)) Hardness in the morning was sometimes not even felt, and in the evening it returned to visit. Compresses didn't help. I'm coming again. Here the doctor makes a helpless gesture and gives a referral to the KBC hospital to a more experienced surgeon.

In CBC, a seemingly burnt-out surgeon from the first palpation issues a diagnosis - a hernia. And right away, without explanations and other conversations, it was as if there was a distant relative of Ellochka the cannibal, somewhere he begins to write me down and give me a list of tests that I must pass.

What is it for, doctor?
- For the operation.

Of course, I did not expect the doctor to deliver his verdict so quickly, like the executioner on the scaffold, as if a line of unfortunate people like me had already accumulated behind me. As it turned out, the queue had accumulated. In the hospital, everything is on stream. Wait, which is good, not long - 3 weeks. They set an exact date and start shredding to the sounds of the city radio.

Of course, I tried to ask the surgeon questions, he looked at me in surprise, as if I had to read about my problem on the Internet and finish medical school in absentia. I really had already read about my problem on the Internet and it was not scary. But the surgeon did not really answer, he said 1-2 words and made it clear that these conversations do not make sense.

I'm certainly not a fan of idle talk. But with regard to my navel or other part of the body, I would still like to know specifically about my pain. I didn't get any answers to my questions. Maybe I should have gone to a different doctor? Don't know. But for some reason, this stern man in a white coat inspired confidence.

For my problem, there really are two options: applying a bow or a surgical knife. Of course, I believe in the power of the bow, especially after the tale of Cipollino. But if you choose between a bow and a knife, I will choose a knife, somehow more reliable and faster, although I am not enthusiastic about modern medicine.

Of course, a hernia is not an emergency operation, you live with it for years, it may not grow, you may not experience pain, you may not be bothered by anything and you may not even know about it or then have an operation after ... tsat years. Yes, they do that too. But I decided to end this case now once and hopefully forever.

So, the tests were passed, day X was approaching, I was almost not afraid, because I survived an emergency caesarean section and was on the verge of death. What are they afraid of here, where everything will be much easier. But on the eve of the operation, of course, I was upset, I felt offended, because in fact I got a hernia due to my stupidity and forgetfulness. What to do? Women get dumber over the years - this is about me. But I hope this will be a lesson for me as with the knees that I almost lost. If I wish, I will tell you about knee injuries another time, how I cured them absolutely without doctors and without operations.

The day of the operation arrived.

I was told to come at 8 am, and I have to leave the next day at 9 am. That is, lie down for a day. It is essentially a day hospital. As they said, there is a department where they stay for days, but very seriously ill patients are sent there.

There are only three wards on the floor: men's, women's and a VIP-ward with two beds, which we did not understand. During the day, no more than 4 operations are performed, and two operations are performed simultaneously in one operating room, that is, you can wave your pen to another patient))

There were 3 surgeries that day. We were biding our time. With me lay two young girls who looked 25-35 years old, who decided to remove veins in their legs (varicose veins). Their varicose veins were visible from a kilometer away, they have specific problems, as they say, varicose veins began at school. As I understand it, they had their veins removed. I do not really believe in this operation, because. I remember my grandmother, who at the age of 60 decided to cut out her veins and died a couple of months after the operation. Then everyone concluded: it would be better to go with swollen veins. In general, in my opinion, this is a dubious operation. It's all about nutrition and lifestyle, and maybe something else. But of course I could be wrong.

This is what our room looks like. Everyone has water, because only water can be drunk. In general, before the operation, you do not eat for almost a day, and you can only drink water, then you cleanse the intestines and lie down half-dead under the knife.

Before operations, everyone is given a painful injection in the ass - a sedative so that they probably don’t twitch, otherwise, if they had given permission, they would probably have been tied to a bed))

Then the doctor comes, takes the girl with varicose veins and draws crosses and lines on her legs with a black marker, where he will cut. I didn’t have this, they felt it and let me go to bed to rest for a couple of hours.

While there is time, I walk around the floor. When you are on the verge of death, you become closer to nature and feel all its delights. So I noticed that the trees were already quite green.

There, behind the fence, there is an ordinary life: children go to school, adults go to work, and you stand and feel sad as if you are in prison, although only an hour has passed in this ward))

Wand-lock for the window.

Already almost a native wheelchair))

The place of the doctor on duty.

The floor is essentially empty, because. Only three patients on this day.

A couple of hours later, they call me and another girl with varicose veins. We need to completely undress and put on a white sheet on ourselves as if we were going to take a steam bath. Oh, if only so! Already in the operating room, we are put on special white shoe covers, which no longer inspire confidence in the future. And in front of my eyes is a white operating room with a white ceiling. Well, why not stick butterflies on the ceiling? It would not be so dreary and lonely in this world.

I lie down on the operating table, which has seen a lot. A bearded large anesthesiologist comes up and asks to turn his back. Well, I think they did epidural anesthesia in the maternity hospital - it's not scary. But then this big uncle takes the thickest needle and puts pressure on the spine. It was very painful! And then I have a shot in the leg with great pain. It hurt so much that I yelled, tears immediately poured from my eyes and I jumped up to the ceiling! What was that, your mother?! Doctors are surprised by my jumps. And the "kind" anesthesiologist calmly says: "What shot through? It happens." It happens? Damn, in the maternity hospital they gave me such anesthesia that I didn’t even feel the needle! It happens to him!

Well, the fun has begun. But as it turned out, everything was fine. I did not feel my stomach, and my legs gave out over time. Hang up the curtain so that I don’t see my intestines, but in vain, I always wanted to know what my organs look like)) I remember that it was the same in the maternity hospital, only there was a glass lamp above me, which reflected the whole operation. In theory, I was supposed to fall asleep then, but the process of taking life out of my stomach was so interesting that I looked at the ceiling with all my strength, then passed out, then looked again, and when they showed the baby, I fixed the time with my ears and fell somewhere .

Here, the guts were not visible. The two above me grouped up and began cutting. The knife is felt, but it is as if a felt-tip pen is being passed over your stomach, i.e. doesn't hurt. Then, according to the sensations, they began to wind the intestines around the fist, not very pleasant, but not painful either, as if your hair was being wound around the fist and pulled somewhere.

I’m bored, I look around, I see how doctors have accumulated over another girl and cut her legs, she seems to be calm, she must have been waiting for this day for a long time.

My operation is fast - about an hour. They sew up beautifully, I already saw it later. Direct courses on cutting and sewing passed. In a word - well done!

They put me on a gurney, because my legs do not belong to me, they start to take them out somewhere - this is the most pleasant thing in operations! They roll you, and you lie! They carefully dump me into my bed in the ward and say that soon my legs will come to me.

I lie, I feel up, but not down. I try to twitch my toe and I can't. It's a terrible feeling when you want to move your finger, but it doesn't move! It's like you're paralyzed. Then the right leg comes to life, I keep moving it like a fool, I'm glad that I can walk)) The second leg comes later, I'm happy again. And I got bored, I start reading a book. Later they bring a girl with varicose veins, her leg is bandaged from heel to crotch. The operation was also about an hour.

Then the third girl leaves, she is being operated on for a long time, we are already exchanging glances with a neighbor, they say, is she alive? What's taking so long? 3.5 hours pass and she still comes back, says that she was told that the veins, like those of an old woman, are sealed. I don't know what that means, but she's cheerful and cheerful. Then I found out that each leg is operated on different days, i.e. You can't have two legs in one day. And if varicose veins are on both legs, then you must again sign up for a queue and take a hundred tests for a new operation.

We lie, chat, read books. This is how the evening goes. In the evening I want to eat, because. I haven't eaten for almost 1.5 days. I am not allowed to eat until the morning, but the neighbors are allowed and they chew cookies, and my stomach screams with good obscenities so that I can eat at least something too! And I ate. This is probably my mistake.

Then I sit down. Doctors tell me that I can’t sit and walk until the morning, but they don’t explain why. I think that here, as with a cesarean, the faster you get up, the faster it will become easier, but because you lie down, it gets even worse. Maybe I'm wrong of course. But I myself walked in the evening, not much, but I walked, I didn’t feel much pain in the abdomen, but I got out of bed sideways so as not to strain the abdominal muscles.

I was offered twice to take painkillers, but I refuse, because. I almost don't hurt.

It is worth noting that all the staff was sent to me by God - all friendly, smiling, with jokes and jokes. No one yelled or mocked as is usually practiced. I got such a negative experience in the 4th maternity hospital, where almost all the nurses were beasts in dressing gowns, and almost all the doctors were indifferent and squeamish, as if you were a piece of dead meat for them. Here everything was wonderful, just some kind of medical paradise. I even got into a conversation with one hospital employee, who said that earlier there were two operating rooms on the floor, more operations were performed, and now the hospital receives almost no funding (I was asked to buy a saline solution for 100 rubles in a pharmacy before the operation). Salaries used to be normal, but now they have cut it by 2 times, many have left.

I walked along the floor, looked out the window, clouds came running and, in my opinion, it began to rain.

I look at the doctor's workplace and go for a walk.

The next day I got up early, began to get ready faster, I was eager to jump out of here as soon as possible, because I had not been outside for a day! I was examined and quickly released. Then they told me to come in for a dressing. I've only been to the dressing a couple of times. At the same time, it was impossible to wash the abdominal area for 2 weeks while the wound was healing. And then the stitches were removed already in my clinic, before that the navel was always under a band-aid, I could not even touch the wound area.

The cut only hurt for a couple of days. I could walk, but when I walked for more than 30 minutes, my lower back hurt - this is a very unpleasant feeling, because it never hurt me. And then I, like an old grandmother, constantly held on to my lower back. Of course, I was prescribed 2 weeks of rest! But with my rhythm of life - this is impossible, what peace if you have a three-year-old active child? It was necessary to lock me up in the hospital for this period, but no one offered me such a thing, and I didn’t think of lying down somewhere myself. And who will look after the child while I am in the hospital for days?

So, when my stitches were removed... I found my hernia again. Again something solid rested over my navel. wtf? The doctor at the local clinic said I think so. And the doctor at the hospital said that the hernia could quickly come back if I was active, but he refused to feel my stomach. He was probably afraid that the hernia would bite off his finger.

Maybe all this seems to me, and everything is fine with me. Or maybe my problem is so small that, as some doctors say, "it should get worse and then after the operation you will feel the difference."

After the operation, I cannot lift weights for a month and even my 15-kg fidget child. You need to rest a lot, lie down and not move for 2 weeks as if you are already dead. Already after the stitches were removed, I felt great, at least unload the cars, but I decided not to experiment and wait exactly 30 days, although this is very difficult for a person who is always active.