How to live alone with two children. About my life with two small children

At the moment when I began to meet with my husband, I was ready and even wanted to have a family and children, but he was not. But at the time, I didn't understand it. I got pregnant and we decided to get married. He studied at the 5th year of the university, and I - a year, graduated from the university.

When Yuna was born, the first difficulties began. The child was very active, she slept little and took a long time to put her to bed. The nights were hard, you had to pump almost all night long.

We lived at that time in my one-room apartment.

My husband graduated from university and started looking for a job. I decided to become a sales representative. But a prerequisite is the presence of a car.

My brother just had 6ka, which he did not use, and he gave it to her husband, having driven from St. Petersburg.

My husband was very tired, he didn’t help with the child at all, of course it hurt me. I, in principle, coped on my own, but I wanted dad to participate in the upbringing at least somehow, so that the child would not be afraid of him. His mother came to us every day with a desire to help. But after some time, she began to strain and anger me with her constant presence, stupid comments about the child, how she nurses ... (my parents practically did not come, because I initially agreed with them that they would come when I will call them, and not when I want to.I wanted the same from my mother-in-law, but she is a very touchy person, I was afraid to tell her, I asked my husband to talk, but he did not consider it necessary, also for fear of offending my mother).

We lived like this for a year. Moved to 2shku, which my parents bought.

Then came the 2nd pregnancy - absolutely not planned. For a long time I toiled whether to have an abortion or give birth. Until the end of the 4th month, I went crazy with fear: it’s scary to give birth to a 2nd child, then when the relationship with my husband is not important and my conscience tormented me to go for an abortion. In the end, they decided to give birth. The pregnancy was quite easy, the only thing was that the tone of the uterus was constant.

Relations with my husband became cold, he had a girlfriend, I don’t know if they had something serious or just flirting via SMS. But she believed his words - just an acquaintance with whom they fooled around.

He also did not help with the child: he did not walk, did not bathe, did not play ... But he was with us. I, with my huge belly with the tone of the uterus, dressed my daughter for a walk in the winter, and he looked at it with his pens in his pockets.

In the spring I gave birth to my 2nd child. And life began to seem very complicated to me. The husband began to prefer the company of his work colleagues and friends to our society. and if not them, then he went to help his mother. While I used to shower once a month. The eldest daughter was jealous, the baby was on the handles all the time. When my husband came home from work, I asked him to hold the baby in order to run away to wash. He took her with such a dissatisfied face, like he came tired from work, and then they put a child in him to babysit ... How insulting it was. For 5 months, he never took a walk with her, he took it on his hands 2 times at will, and even then for a couple of minutes ... Well, there is a lot more to remember ...

Not the kind of family I wanted...

And we broke up 2 months ago. He said he wants to be treated like a god, and I don't even smile when he comes.

So I was left alone with 2 children. and the most offensive - that the fault is entirely mine. It’s called what I fought for - I ran into that ... I’m talking about how thoughtfully I approached the choice of a partner and father to my children. My frivolity has ruined my children's lives from the start, and mine to boot.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello.

I absolutely do not know how to collect myself, how to pull myself together and find the strength to live on.

My husband and I are divorcing, it is impossible to be together. Constant quarrels in front of children, he raises his hand to me and comes home only to spend the night. He only has money for a car and online games. He didn't care about me or my kids. Maybe we just got too much. . the eldest daughter has autism and there is an organic brain lesion. So much effort goes into her treatment, and now he hasn’t even given money for rehabilitation, but he immediately found them to repair the car. It simply is no longer in our lives. He does not play with children, we also have a younger son. . and just doesn't show up. I try as best I can. Every day is full of struggles, thoughts, guilt that I gave an uncertain life to my daughter. I sometimes asked my husband to talk to me, as it happens to me that thoughts come that it is better to die. But of course, I understand that you need to live for the sake of children.

But the husband either leaves or turns away to the computer. I don't know where I can find strength. I have already forgotten how to control my anger and began to take it out on the children, I simply adore them, but I began to behave irritably with them, moreover, almost constantly. I just want to rest and sleep, but I don't have that opportunity either. As a result, my husband and I are divorcing. We just can't be together anymore, even in the same room. And I don't know how to live on. How not to go crazy. Where to get strength. I need a job, there is no one to stay with the children, I need money for the treatment of the child, the alimony will be scanty. It would be easier to lie down and die, but I will never leave my children, let alone my daughter. Where do you get the strength to fight??? I lost faith and hope. There is only blackness in my head. I am 28 years old, and it seems that I have no future. I can’t be weak, I forgot how to relax, I don’t remember when there was no pain in my soul and how it is to laugh heartily. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but now I'm crushed.

I don't have relatives in this city, and where I do, they don't expect me. Yes, and I can’t leave here, my daughter has all the doctors and rehabilitation centers here. You need to somehow survive without help.

The psychologist Panina Irina Nikolaevna answers the question.

Hello Julia!

I sympathize with you with all my heart. I understand how hard it is for you, while reading your letter, tears welled up in my eyes. Maybe it's also because I remembered a few more girls and women in a similar situation.

What makes you different from them, from mine? Your fortitude and determination to act to cope with difficulties.

I admire your determination to take life into your own hands and your sober analysis of the circumstances of your present life.

I understand your desire to just sleep off to gather strength. Perhaps this should be prioritized now. Ask someone to look after the kids for a couple of days and just switch off for a while. It's healing. Do you have girlfriends or acquaintances?

Such a request, of course, is somewhat unusual, but there are living people around who, perhaps later, will also need your participation. And sometimes (almost always) you just have to ask for your wish to be granted.

YOU in your position, relying only on yourself, probably forgot how to ask someone. From your words it is clear that you are "driven" to the fullest.

Try asking a friend for help first. This will be a joy for someone, perhaps.

now some information (professional).

Children ALWAYS love their parents. For them, it is a matter of survival. You are their nurse and giver of life. For children (while they are small), no matter what you will be: angry, irritated, angry, they will still love you. True, children can take your irritation and anger personally, so you may need to explain to them (even if they do not understand the mind, but they will definitely understand on an unconscious level) that you are tired, angry and desperate through no fault of their own. .

Holding back your feelings is very difficult and unhealthy. There are techniques in psychology for the "cultural expression of negative feelings." The first thing to do is acknowledge them. And maybe cry. Perhaps even in the presence of children. Telling them that you are now hard and bitter, but not their fault.

I write so much about restoring your peace of mind, because it's like on an airplane: first the mother is put on the oxygen mask, then the children.

Of course, it is a kind of shock to take such responsibility for yourself and for your children. material and moral.

This state is akin to the state of those women who remain widows (and with children) in the same shock. And there are more women like that than you think. And the survivor's benefit is far from "chocolate" for them. Around 5,000

It is a pity, of course, that in our society little care is taken of such women. But society is made up of people, and people are mostly responsive and can get into a position.

For example, offer remote work. A call center employee (from home), a seller in an online store (also from home), a copywriter, and so on may suit you.

Now in the age of the Internet, we can only rejoice that there is an opportunity to work without coming to the office.

You may even need to contact social support services. There are people there too. The system itself may be poor, but there are good people everywhere. Hope you get help. Don't hesitate to ask her. This is for your children. Rating 4.88 (16 votes)

Good day! Dear visitors of the site, help with words of support! My story is not much different from others! Has been submitted twice!

We lived with my first husband for 8 years, met 5 before that, got married when both were 19, a child was born, I was on maternity leave, he did not help, he left home all weekend, starting on Friday! Then I noticed that at work he very often communicates with one girl, I knew her, they all worked together in one place, from there I went on maternity leave! She began to talk about it to him, rolled up scandals. Then she went to work, the work was new, she studied and learned everything, she was terribly tired! And then, when I raised my head, I realized that the girl was next to my husband: they were going to lunch, etc. In general, as a result of showdowns and scandals on my part, he filed for divorce, first once, then another! We were divorced, what I experienced to explain to anyone here, I think it’s not necessary !!! Antidepressants, psychologists, psychiatrists - I went through all this! I thought it couldn't get any worse! And a miracle happened, I met a young man! I immediately started up, dismissed my ex-husband completely, he was worried, ran after me, although he divorced himself !!! But at that moment I made up my mind! I fell in love with my second husband! Yes, and I don’t know how to do it differently, I tried very hard so that everything was fine with us! Waiting, cooking, trying to be fun and easy! He said that he also loves, wants children, he offered to get married! A few weeks before the wedding day, I noticed that I was writing some messages to a colleague, I demanded to stop personal correspondence! He agreed, but unfortunately, the first bell had already rung, I was on my guard! We signed, went on a honeymoon trip, I immediately became pregnant! At the sixth month, I found correspondence in his mail with another colleague, compliments: like what kind of legs, etc. I told him everything, asked him to stop! Okay, okay, honey, I love you! I went on a business trip, returned, I found a new correspondence with her, and bills for the room in which they lived together! I was in shock at the eighth month of pregnancy!!! He begged, persuaded, we had nothing, etc. How I got through this, I don't know! A son is born! I did not take decisive action, I had to be kicked out right away, but I scolded and was afraid that I would be left alone with two children! Then she went to work, family-home-children-beloved husband!!! It seems that everything is fine, he says I love it, but I don’t believe it anymore, and I remember this story endlessly! And as it turned out, not in vain! In December, maybe even earlier, the next one appeared! I found out about it only in March, although I participated in something wrong! There are New Year's corporate parties together and correspondence, like I love you and various affectionate words! !! It's now been two months since I found out! We were rocked like a boat in a storm!!! Figured out why? Him: It's okay, I love you! I don’t communicate with her anymore, on April 30 I took the details of his phone calls, he calls her himself !!! I talked, said not to happen again, sowed the password from the phone! As a result, I found her photo from May 8 in my phone!!!

There is no more strength, she asked me to leave, although she had spoken about it before! I didn’t want to, but today I came, collected my documents, a laptop, said: I’ll rent an apartment, I’ll take out my things!!! I have a question: he was never married, he really asked for a child, it seems, and he should have worked up already, he is 30, and he walked for a year, out of a year and a half of marriage? Why get married??? He wanted it himself! It was not my initiative.

Why do I feel so bad? I myself asked him to leave and, it seems, I’m right, but I can’t stand it!!! My heart is torn to pieces, I feel sorry for my 10-month-old son! Outcome - one with two children! Tell me, please, am I doing the right thing?

Support the site:

Elena, age: 05/32/2015

Responses:

Dear Lena! You initially put everything on the brakes. If you forgive me now, it will, alas, only get worse, you have children, work, you have something to live for, and live happily ....
Think about whether you need a family where there is no trust and respect???

Marina, age: 05/34/2015

Elena, you're right! It's very hard, it hurts, but it's right... You have a similar story, a third marriage behind you, and zero brains, again on the same rake. I just really want a real family, comfort, warmth, so we close our eyes, we forgive, we think we will change our minds ... But no! Hunchbacked, as they say...
Live for the children, for yourself, go back to normal - without him. It will be very difficult, but it will pass, believe me.

Evgenia, age: 33/14.05.2015

Lenochka, and you didn’t really have a choice. To stay with him means to live in eternal fear and expectation of betrayal. He will never change. And it's not about you. He is such a dirty person.
The meaning of life is great. So far only in children. But trust me, it's only for now. You will still have everything. Acquaintances, meetings and meeting with the best man. Now just live. Work, kids, summer is coming.
I like how M. Gorky once wrote: "Every day you live is a small life."

Everything will be fine. Hold on, I hug you.

Julia, age: 41 / 05/14/2015

On my bitter experience, I was convinced that a person can stumble once, and then it enters the system.
Over time, you cease to respect yourself for forgiving such things, and he, of course, also ceases to respect, loses the fear of losing you, because you agree with everything. We must try to start respecting ourselves, not to allow ourselves to be treated like that. I myself am now in a similar situation, I try not to think through force, to slowly let go of everything. A person who betrayed once will betray more than once. You understand that only time will help. I decided for myself that in the next relationship, if I only hear calls of this kind, I will stop them immediately. In order not to have time to get used to a person: after all, the longer it is pulled, the more painful it is later.
Good luck to you, everything will work out for you, as they say, after the darkest night, the brightest day will come.

Alice, age: 05/26/2015

Lenochka, in my opinion, you rushed into marriage with your second husband, without recognizing him properly. Perhaps you wanted to escape from past relationships, and got "out of the fire and into the frying pan." Psychologists say that it is advisable to enter into a new relationship when a certain time has passed that we need to rethink, work on ourselves internally, and finally, to work on the mistakes made in past relationships, and this period can be about a year. “They don’t knock out a wedge with a wedge,” and on emotions you immediately entered into a new relationship with a person whom, in fact, you didn’t know, otherwise, having understood his essence, which consists in constantly getting pleasure from life through new intrigues, you wouldn’t begin to connect with him your life. But what's done is done, experience is the son of difficult mistakes. Definitely, you did the right thing by asking him to leave. Such a person was not created for a family, for pleasure, yes, survive it with dignity, I am sure that everything will be fine with you, the children will give you strength and faith that everything will work out. If you are a believer, then turn to God for help, ask for help from relatives and friends, and move away from him. The only thing is that you have to file for child support.
And do not rush to enter into the next relationship with a man without getting to know him well and without making sure that he is a serious and responsible person, and this can be seen primarily in deeds, and not in words.
A person is so arranged that any next relationship begins from the same point where the previous ones stopped. And if you broke up with a person with resentment, with an unsatisfied expectation, then the following relationship will begin with the same expectation: “But will he meet me halfway, give me what I need?” It will already be burdensome for that partner at the start. The prognosis will not be good. Therefore, take your time, survive this insult and do not let it settle in your soul for a long time. Use this time - live for yourself and your children, get to know, love yourself!
Good luck, I love you. Sorry for being blunt, I just wanted to help you.

Elena, age: 38 / 05/14/2015

Xenia, age: 42 / 05/14/2015

Elena, you are doing the right thing. Keeping a family makes sense if both need it. Clinging to something that is actually destroyed and has no potential for restoration, out of fear of being left alone, out of fear of leaving children without a father, is pointless. Neither you nor your children will be happy in a family where there is no trust, respect and love. You will be in constant tension, suspect and control your husband all the time, which is quite natural after everything that happened. There are two people in prison: a prisoner and a guard. Think you want such a life? I don't believe at all that you can "work up". It's just that there are people who cheat, and there are those who don't. Not at 20, not at 50. That's all.
It is very difficult for you to let go, because you are attached to a person. This is understandable and natural. But if you set yourself the goal of getting rid of this painful addiction, then be sure to do it. Resources - a lot. Read the articles on the site, turn to religion, to a good psychologist.
Elena, it hurts to be betrayed twice. You ask endless questions: "For what?" and why?". But most spiritual teachings (not only Orthodoxy) say something like this: "If you suffer, then you have sinned." in different wording. Think about it. Work on yourself, turn defeat into victory. Use this pain and this disappointment to grow spiritually. Strength to you, patience and optimism!

Anna, age: 05/25/2015

Lenochka, hello! I also wrote my story on this site. I also forgave and waited for 15 years for everything to change for the better. But, apparently, it is impossible to correct the character and inner world of a person. It is impossible to instill a sense of responsibility in a man who has not known it since childhood. I have always believed that family is work. Working on yourself for the benefit of the one who is next to you, which means that it is not burdensome at all, is if there is love, care, respect and responsibility in the family. Unfortunately, neither after 10 nor after 15 years did the miracle happen. My ex-husband didn't change one iota. In the end, he left us for a life in which no one needs to be taken care of. Forgive me, maybe I'll be wrong, but your husband, judging by your story, is also a frivolous and irresponsible person. And the words "I love you" don't mean anything to him, just words and that's it. So easily he spoke them, but they diverged from deeds. I myself have just started a week together with my son, but a week ago I heard the same thing - "I only love you." And here we are alone. Believe after that. It's really hard for me right now too. Nothing pleases. But I'm trying. Thanks to all the girls for their support, I really hope that I will be happy again. And now, in turn, I want to support you so that you do not feel lonely. To be honest, I am very glad that I found this site quite by accident. This is a real and necessary help in such a difficult period of life. I wish you Lenochka and your children good, calmness and self-confidence, and Happiness of course.

Irina, age: 40/05/15/2015

In our life, it often happens that events do not develop according to the scenario that we thought out in advance. We want to be happy, but we experience occasional setbacks. We want to get married once and for all, but men tend to be unfaithful. We want to raise our children in a healthy, happy family, but for some reason we are left alone with the sad fate of a single mother. How not to give up if left alone with two children? How to live on? How to deal with the lump rolling up to the throat and the incessant desire to burst into loud crying?

What to do if left without a husband with two children?

Psychologists recommend studying several rules that a single mother with many children should subsequently follow as her established principles and beliefs. Life is streaked with black and white scenes, everything cannot always be perfect. Whatever happens, if you are afraid that you are left alone with two children, and even those born in different marriages from two different men, this is not a reason to become depressed. Remember that you are the mother of two wonderful children, whom you are obliged to raise as good people.

There are a huge number of reasons why a woman can be left alone. This may be the premature departure of a man from life, and the manifestation of infidelity on the part of the spouse, and the disadvantage of the young man in terms of his predisposition to excessive alcohol consumption and prolonged binges. Be that as it may, being alone with two children is scary. “I'm afraid of not coping, I'm afraid of financial difficulties, I'm afraid of being a bad mother for my children” - these thoughts haunt the unfortunate women who are left in such a difficult situation. In addition to daily worries, cooking, washing, cleaning, there is also a huge amount of labor, time, effort and expense required to maintain and care for children. It is morally, physically and financially very difficult. How not to give up?

Do not deviate from your life principles

If you are left alone with two children from different marriages, this is not a reason to give up your beliefs and follow the lead of worldly failures. No matter what society imposes on you, no matter what the neighbors around you, acquaintances, random passers-by tell you, wrap all your actions in the direction you need. Turn everything in the direction in which it will be convenient for you. Be guided by your principles: you yourself know what is good for you and what is bad. Only you can determine what is best for your child, so you are free to make your own decisions about this. Set a goal for yourself and go to it: you will see, you will succeed.

Set goals and achieve them

Build in your mind a diagram of your tactical actions. Or get a notepad for these purposes. In it, you can write down your long-term and current tasks, the achievement of which will allow you to step over a series of everyday troubles. Do what you plan to do step by step. You are faced with a global condition: the need to raise healthy, intelligent, conscientious members of society from your children. So try to put all your strength into the fulfillment of your maternal destiny: while taking care of children, use every minute rationally. Engage in self-development, read with your children, learn something new. If you are constantly busy, you will not have a single second to think about how unhappy you are and how hard it is for you to carry this burden. In the course of the strategic point-by-point execution of tasks from your notebook, you simply will not have time for this kind of frustration.

Know how to take time out

Do fasting days. If you are left with two children after a divorce and feel like a squirrel in a wheel that seems to never stop - take the initiative in your own hands: stop it yourself. Otherwise, at one fine moment, your strength will run out, and a nervous breakdown will not take long. Why bring this up? Just define for yourself one day in the week, which, even though it will not be completely devoted to yourself, because children require constant attention, but at least will be freed from housework. Minimize all labor activities, just communicate with the kids, play with them, watch funny cartoons, read fascinating books with them. During the nap of the children, allow yourself to take a bath, fill it with foam, add natural flavors, turn on relaxing music in a low voice, just relax. Carry out a standard set of care procedures, feel like a woman - such manipulations are very effective in terms of raising your mood and giving you self-confidence. So why not take a moment and treat yourself?

Consider a reward system

We all know the method of carrot and stick, through which control of one's own or someone else's actions and actions is achieved. Choose the so-called bonus system that suits you: reward yourself for every task you overcome, celebrate your victory with a small cheesecake, stimulate yourself. It turned out to arrange the children in the kindergarten, finished all the paperwork with the design - go with the kids to the amusement park, eat ice cream, cheer yourself up and the children by communicating with clowns. Get into the habit of celebrating each small achievement with a pleasant pastime, and then you will have an incentive to move on.

Be optimistic

Single mothers often think about how their fate will turn out after a divorce from their spouse. Left alone with two children: how to live on? Painful questions need to be relegated to the background. Learn to think positively. In the end, you have excellent crumbs that require the attention of a happy and smiling mother. Everything that happens, everything has a specific meaning. If now you have to go through difficult moments, it means that there, ahead, something bright awaits you. You need to be able to live and enjoy life, be content with what you have. You can't blame someone else for your own wrongdoings or complain that someone else is more successful than you. We make our own destinies. We create ourselves, we model our future. Therefore, it depends only on us how it will be. And the fact that now you have to go through a black streak in your life, endure the hardships of the life of a single mother - this is another lesson, a test, an obstacle on the path of life, overcoming which you will become stronger.

Understand that change is inevitable

In order not to give up and not indulge in despair, you must comprehend the fact that everything in life changes, and the black stripe must be replaced by a white one. Sooner or later the suffering and hardships will come to an end: the children will grow up, everything will become much easier. In the end, perhaps you will still meet a worthy man who will become your reliable support and support. With it, it will be much easier for you to deal with troubles, family worries and troubles. Everything will change someday. Do not give up just because you can no longer believe in a happy outcome of events. Have the inner strength to fight adversity, if only for the sake of your children. Prove that you can do it. Just think: you are wasting so much precious time just because you are afraid of hopelessness! Believe in something good, expect changes, or rather make these changes yourself.

Strive to achieve your goal

Apathy and inaction will not help you overcome your fears and panic attacks that have been visiting you since the moment you were left alone with two small children. In order for life to take the right course, you need to strive for something. Do you want to see children happy? Do you want to feel stronger? Do you want to feel the support of a worthy man? Then strive to achieve these benefits. Small steps, one by one, try to achieve what you want. Determine for yourself what is the most important thing in life, and what is secondary. Once you gain the understanding that there are things much more important than these temporary difficulties, your hands will not fall down. You will achieve the desired result, no matter what.

Understand the degree of responsibility

As a mother, as a person who is responsible not only for her own life, but also for the well-being of her beautiful babies, you must concentrate on self-preservation and control of the well-being of your own children. You cannot afford to give up, if only because, in addition to yourself, you have two more magnificent babies that require maternal attention and care. When we give birth to new people, we take on a huge responsibility. Not being able to be responsible for our actions, we have no right to be called individuals, representatives of society, independent social units. Pull yourself together, take a sober look at things: there is nowhere to retreat, you only need to move forward. Believe me, your children, as adults, will thank you three times for your diligence and efforts to raise real people out of them. They will always remember your love, care, affection that you gave them. There is nothing better than a sense of accomplishment. But the upbringing of fair, intelligent and kind children is our direct duty to society.

Take things easy

If it so happened that after a divorce you were left with two children without support and help from loved ones, this is not at all a reason to despair. Your mood, fighting spirit, ability to withstand the blows of fate and repel attacks will directly depend on how you relate to what is happening, perceive certain failures, life's cataclysms and domestic troubles. Look at things from a different angle, develop healthy optimism in yourself. Don't forget the good old adage, keep your glass always half full. Know how to take advantage of even the most unfavorable situations.

Don't be afraid of criticism

Remember that you are surrounded by people just like you. No one has the right to reproach or judge you: they are judged in court. And the words of the "jury" from your environment, who tell you that you are doing something wrong or doing something wrong - this is an empty phrase. Do not dwell on the phrases of those who criticize you. Take it easy on what they say about you. Do not react to gossip about your husband's departure from the family, pass them on deaf ears. You will definitely cope with all the hardships if you do not succumb to someone else's opinion and influence.

Provide yourself with a friendly environment

Many women today are worried about the problem of loneliness. Left alone with two children from different marriages: how to live on? The key to success lies in harmony with yourself and those around you. Protect yourself from envious people, haters, ill-wishers. The negativity that comes from your environment can involuntarily be transmitted to you. Let only the closest ones be around: communicate with your parents more often, bring your children to visit your grandparents, spend more time with your brothers and sisters. Stay close to those with whom you are most comfortable, and do not let deceitful people slander or compromise you.

Learn to forgive

If for some reason you are angry, hate, or have an all-consuming resentment towards the father of your children, you will not be able to calmly continue raising them without looking back at the past. Let go of the situation. Stop scourging yourself with daily memories, reproaches, remorse. Living with anger in the heart of a mother of two kids is worthless. Rather, put all your energy into raising and raising your children to their feet. This will be much more correct than looking for an opportunity to take revenge on an unfaithful man.

Convince yourself that you can do it

Are you often tormented by a thought like “I’m afraid to be left alone with two children”? Have you been dumped by a man, and your self-esteem has dropped significantly? Stop torturing yourself with complexes. Do you remember the movie about "the most charming and attractive"? There was a scene where the main character stood in front of a mirror and convinced herself that she was an incredibly beautiful woman. One way or another, at the end of the storyline, she finds what she wanted for so long - the attention of a worthy man. So you understand one very important thing about yourself: you are a strong woman. Because only the strong can, left alone with two babies in her arms, overcome her misfortunes and try to live a new life. Do you drop your hands? Set yourself the mindset that you can do it all, that you can overcome it all. Psychologists say that this kind of self-installation is incredibly effective. You seem to be programming your mind to cope with all the troubles, even if it is alone.

Fight your enemies

Learn to remove obstacles in your path. Deprive your enemies of the opportunity to influence you. And this is not about specific people. We are talking now about human fears. About experiences. About disbelief in one's own strength. It is often those who do not know how to deal with their own phobias that give up. Do not be led by fear and panic, direct all your strength to overcome the negativity that is accumulating inside you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and finally move on to action. Only then can you see the result.

Don't be afraid to take risks

Probably, it is easier for representatives of the strong half of humanity to cope with such a task. If for some reason a man is left alone with two children, he finds an elementary way out - he works for the good of the family himself, and hires a nanny as a nurse or even finds a new life partner and a new mother for his children part-time. But it's more difficult for women. After the loss of a spouse, they close within themselves, become isolated in communication, begin to experience certain complexes. They find it difficult to find a new man. It seems to them that the next husband will be similar to the previous one, with all his shortcomings, reproaches, complaints, and possibly betrayals. They have a fear of never loving anyone again, so they are afraid to open up to a new contender for their heart. But such behavior is unreasonable. You have to work hard towards your happiness. After all, it's a worthwhile risk. Take risks, open your heart to new acquaintances, meet the man you like, let him know that you are a woman and that you need support and a strong friendly shoulder.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

Do not complain about your mistakes: you need to learn from them, and not be angry. There is a proverb: who does not work, he does not make mistakes. It is relevant in this case as well. If you are left with two children in your arms without a husband and without confidence in the future, understand that this is all temporary. Time is fleeting, a bad page is turned over, a new blank slate opens up for attention, a black life streak is replaced by a white one. We learn to appreciate and understand the delights of wonderful moments only when they are preceded by sorrowful ones. We always compare the bad with the good, and therefore, against the backdrop of a striking contrast, we discover the charms of life in small things. For this reason, there is no happiness without failure. You can’t be angry at your own mistakes - they are given to us for experience.

Analyze your behavior

In your actions, learn to sum up, analyze your behavior. When you make mistakes, work on them. Take out of the current situation for yourself important points, the awareness of which you will definitely need in the future. If a woman is left alone with two children, who were also born in different marriages from different spouses, this is an occasion to think that the wrong tactics of behavior with men were chosen, or the wrong people were chosen as life partners. One way or another, but it always makes sense to reflect on this topic. Then you will be able to understand why this happened, which means that you will not repeat the mistakes in the future. Learn to determine how not to behave and which young people need to be weeded out on the first date. In this case, the correct choice of a worthy contender for your heart will be more likely, and then you will no longer be afraid to stay with two children.

love yourself

Psychologists say that self-love is considered a kind of incentive to work on your fears and beliefs. Learn to be proud of yourself, your children, the things you do for them. Hard work, patience, the desire to find happiness - all this will surely bear fruit. Know how to appreciate your merits, stimulate yourself to new achievements, achieve your goals, and then you will have no reason to suffer because of your own powerlessness against fate.

When I was pregnant with my first child, naturally there was not enough money. My husband worked and studied in absentia at the institute, and the loan had to be repaid. Several times he tried to quit the institute, but I got more and more into debt for the sake of his studies. Time has passed, our son is growing up, work, car, he has a higher education, respectively, career growth, I am slowly paying off my debts. But once a child was diagnosed with a disease, it is being treated in another city. I didn’t work for several months, I was undergoing treatment, I somehow struggled to close old debts, but there were also new loans. I had to leave my institute. But how did she manage. Thank God, my son was cured, but then I became pregnant with my second child, went on maternity leave, so again there is no money. I had to take on new debts to cover the old ones. She kept silent about my difficulties to her husband, she thought I could handle it. But no. When the debts exceeded the maximum level, my husband found out accordingly, and then everything happened ... As a result, I was left alone with two children, without work and without housing. Soon he will arrive, he said that we would pack our things and leave. He doesn’t want me to dishonor him because of his debts, because he works in the police, I can dishonor him on the fact of fraud. But I'm not a scammer, in fact I have no money. Those close to me turned away, my husband kicked me out, what should I do? I thought about ending my life, but I can’t leave my children, because no one needs them except me. In the end, I was left with nothing. For that, my husband has everything ... It’s good that the children are with me, only joy remains with me ...
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Elena, age: 32 / 05/25/2018

Responses:

Hello, Elena! The situation is really not easy, but you need to be strong at least for the sake of the children! Try to explain to your husband when he "cools down" that you tried for him and your family, you thought you could handle it, but it didn't work out. Does he really leave his children homeless and expel him?! Somehow unfair on his part, in my opinion. The children need both of you, so hold on! All the best to you and the speedy resolution of difficulties!

Zyf , age: 05/32/2018

Elena, firstly, I don’t think that he will immediately make such a difficult decision. You can say anything on emotions, but in order to decide on such a step .. Even if the children and your unenviable position do not stop him, he will be afraid of difficulties, because his profession is very specific. Believe me, he would really not want his superiors, colleagues, or just friends to know that he is ready to leave his family. Especially in such a difficult situation. It is not so important why or who this situation has developed, it is important that he does not want to deal with it. He is well aware that he will lose not only his family, but also the respect of people. And quite possibly a job. This is not an empty phrase for a mature enough person. If this inexplicable act does happen, anyway, do not give up. Not just for the guys. You are a young woman, no need to sum up. Yes, it can be difficult now, but such periods happen to almost everyone. We have to save on everything, borrow. In this situation, you do not need to hide anything from your creditors, and, moreover, lose contact with them. They must understand that you acknowledge your debt, just that there is no way to return it yet. Try to find a part-time job, not full-time. I remember, at one time, I had to work at all at night while the child was sleeping .. You can try to work remotely, for example, as a dispatcher. You can also give information or place an order through the Web. Although this, of course, depends on the region. In any case, look for information about vacancies, you may be lucky. If you have to look for housing, consider options in less prestigious areas of the city or even in the nearest suburbs. Remember, this is not for all time, no need to get too upset. If it’s really difficult, look, there are social centers for helping women. The name may be different, but this option may be useful. They will help with housing, albeit temporary, and provide legal assistance if needed. Elena, maybe some advice will be useful to you. In any case, I wish you and your guys all the best!

Arina, age: 50 / 05/26/2018

Hello. Elenochka, for the sake of the children, you must be strong and hold on, but it’s difficult and difficult, but you have them and they will give you strength so that you live and be strong. Don’t even think about suicide, it’s a sin and what will happen with your children? Who needs them? What future awaits them without you. Whenever bad thoughts come to mind, always think about children. And you also know how many unsuccessful ways of suicide are and a person does not die, survives but remains disabled. And this is the worst thing. Find out in the city where you live if there are crisis centers for women and children. go and you will have time to find a job and it will become a little easier. God has given you a great gift - children! Take care of yourself and them! It seems to me that you will definitely find a reasonable way out. Look for good people! There are no such people, then look for a social service where you can go and they will help. Pick it up directly on the internet. If you can’t find a social service, go to church, go to any granny or immediately to Batiushka and say, you find yourself in such a situation and tell everything tearfully, help will be. Dear person, please do not despair! Get together and act! Life will get better, opportunities will come. For now, you may have to live not in the conditions that you wanted, but in a calm and psychologically healthy atmosphere, and then everything will work out. Most importantly, live! You are needed. Look for support in the church, tell us about your current situation. In many cities there are crisis centers for women - contact the administration. Everything will be fine. it will be good. God help you. Hold on!

Mulan, age: 05/26/2018

Hello. Of course, Elena, children are a joy, thank God they are alive, healthy, and this is the greatest wealth! Contact the nearest crisis centers, you can get settled there for the time being, find a job, slowly get back on your feet, rent a room. Everything will definitely work out! Let difficulties not break you, but only make you stronger. No debt is worth a human life! Especially Mom with a capital letter. You are smart, you can handle it and overcome everything!

Irina, age: 30 / 05/26/2018

I can't even believe this is happening. Hold on. Better yet, go to your husband’s boss and explain the situation so that your husband understands that it’s not debts that are shameful, but such actions. Found decent too. All the best to you.

Asya, age: 30 / 05/26/2018

File bankruptcy. There are support services - you are alone with the children.

Veronica, age: 45 / 05/26/2018

That is, you survived in a situation where, being a wife with your husband, you single-handedly supported two children and treated one child?
There is no technical possibility here to ask why you could not ask your husband to lend a shoulder.
But you are obviously a very strong woman. So I think you can do it.
It's time to learn how to seek help, which, by the way, you are entitled to.
It's great that my son is on the mend! I congratulate you on this. This is your merit and a gift to him for the future, I hope - a long and happy life.
Consult with a lawyer and begin to defend the right of children and your own to housing, alimony and everything that is necessary for the well-being of children. Remember that the father is obliged to support the children and take care of them no less than the mother.

Nadezhda, age: 05/36/2018

In my opinion, you need to go to work with him for management. What kind of police officers are we who drive such wives and children out of the house. Contact the state authorities ... just don't be silent ... the truth is on your side. And no thoughts of suicide, you have to fight for yourself and your children, no one will take care of them except you. Hold on. Everything will be fine.

Svetlana, age: 40 / 05/28/2018

Brace yourself! everything will get better, you need to believe in it and strive to live better ... at least for the sake of the kids. But you shouldn't forget about yourself either. You're still young and everything will get better, of course!

Love, age: 28 / 17.06.2018

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It is in churchness that a person finds peace, tranquility, and confidence. It’s different for everyone, but I know for sure that before I came to the Church, before I became a conscious believer, by my nature I was inclined to worry, worry, and the state of anxiety, the expectation of changes for the worse was very inherent in me. I remember that I often could not get away from this anxious state. But with my churching, when at first I became just a believer, I was baptized, I began to read prayers, go to church, go to confession, this state disappeared. To say that now, when I am already a priest, anxiety is completely uncharacteristic of me, it would not be true. It happens that I worry and worry about what I shouldn’t worry about, but this is already completely different, incommensurable with how it was before.