Help people become self-confident. Developing self-confidence

NATA KARLIN

In order for success to accompany you in all your endeavors, you need to become a confident person. Parents should instill this important feeling in their children. However, many of us lack self-confidence, so prepare for change - learn to be. Believe in yourself and everything will definitely work out!

How to become self-confident - procedure

Love your flaws.

After all, you love people, close to you or friends? They also have flaws that you take for granted. So, why do you think you are?

The first thing that creates insecurity is a lack of self-love.

Think about what made you decide to become a confident person? We lived with this feeling for so many years, and then suddenly everything changed? Some factor has become critical. Therefore, decide what you want to achieve with your changes. It is better if you write a list, mentioning the smallest details of the benefits that await you in the future. Hang it in a visible place and re-read it whenever possible. Awaken in yourself the same feelings that possessed you at the time of its composition.

I can do it because I’ve already done it.

Have you never felt confident in your life? Can't be! Think back to a time when you were a confident person. What caused this feeling, what sensations did you have at that moment? Try to remember this moment as often as possible and experience those emotions. Remember in great detail how you did it and how others reacted.

It is worth deciphering some positions.

Do not use cosmetics that are too bright in color. Everything should be in moderation. A woman who only emphasizes her facial features looks much more attractive than a painted monkey. Read the recommendations of cosmetologists on the Internet about what oils and products traditional medicine use to look fresh and attract admiring glances.

Are you sure that your new shoes bought on sale are not fashionable and look cheap? Answer 3 questions:

Do you like them?
Who knows their true value?
Are you comfortable in them?

If you feel comfortable in them and think the shoes are cute, never tell anyone that you bought them on sale. Don't answer this question.

If a person feels that his appearance is in order, he is comfortable and comfortable, this is 50% of self-confidence.

Straighten your back.

Think of a person who needs to convince an audience that he is right. The first thing you pay attention to is posture. If a person slouches and hunches his back, it is unlikely that he himself believes what he is saying. Why should others believe him? Work on your posture. Spread your shoulders back, straighten your back and lift your chin. Walk forward with the air of a man. Not anxious, wandering and dragging his feet, but confidently walking towards his goal.

Angryly pursed lips and furrowed brows are not the facial expressions that should accompany a self-confident person. To calm your nervous system and relieve tension from those around you, give people a smile. There is no need to bare your teeth and show 32 teeth every time. A fleeting, light smile at the tips of the lips that looks sincere is enough.

Don't hide your gaze.

Be sure that a person who looks into the eyes of the interlocutor evokes only pleasant emotions:

Therefore, by showing people your mirror of the soul, you show interest in them and true feelings. And sincerity is what is valued in modern man worth its weight in gold.

Language of the body.

Imagine the situation - you are having fun at a friends party, where everyone is having fun, a gloomy guy sits in the corner, fingering the phone screen with the look of a man who is locked in this terrible place. Do you have a desire to approach this person? Therefore, try to let even your body express the desire to communicate. Don't cross your legs or arms around people you're happy to see. This is taken as a sign that you don't have time for them.

If you think that there is only one person in the world who is so insecure, you are mistaken! Try to look into the eyes of the person opposite you with intent gaze. Did you look away? Of course, he's embarrassed. Psychologists recommend similar training in transport or on the street. Look people in the eye and wait for them to look away. This is one of those trainings that helps a person understand that he is not the only one in the world who lacks self-confidence.

The best things about ourselves – making a list.

Focus on what you think is best about yourself:

Intelligence;
Talent for drawing or dancing;
, hair, radiant smile, etc.

Remember all the good things you heard from people:

Compliments on your appearance;
Admiration for your achievements in work or sports;
Reassurance that you are kind and...

You can really be proud of this and develop your talents further. By working on yourself and improving yourself, you become a confident person.

Obstacles.

What prevents you from becoming a confident person? Find out the reasons and overcome the obstacle. What are the reasons for your insecurity?

If it's a sloppy look, correct the situation, fortunately it's easy.

If your clothes are inexpensive and unfashionable, learn to look stylish even in simple things. For this purpose, tutorials have been developed on special websites on the Internet.

Do you work in a team where everyone thinks of themselves as a great smart guy, and you are a gray mouse compared to them? Be patient, many of these literate people only create the appearance of competence and know-it-all.

All people are the same.

It is unlikely that there are people in the world who are always confident in themselves in everything. Here are a few examples that you are not alone in your feeling:

Most likely, you attach too much importance to the fact that they pay a lot of attention to you. Most people are concerned about how they themselves appear to others. They simply have no time for you;
You are no worse than the rest. Don't strive for . Don't follow everything that others tell you. Don't compete with someone, stay yourself. If you want to win, set realistic goals for yourself and achieve them. This will be your triumph.

One victory is not a victory!

It is not true that you will gain self-confidence overnight, and this will be a one-time victory that will cement success once and for all. This is a long, or rather continuous process that requires constant monitoring and work on oneself. Praise yourself for every feat, this motivates you to further victories.

Are you sociable today and attracted the interest of others by talking? This is victory!

Have you managed to attract admiring glances from your employees? Great!

Take small steps towards your goal and the road will become wider and more colorful.

Congenital or acquired?

When you were born into this world, you didn’t think about what others thought of you, how stylish you looked, and you didn’t worry about feeling useless. All your complexes and tightness are the result of the influence of the social environment. You were forced to live this way and an opinion was imposed on you about what is right and what is wrong. You didn't know what was good and what was bad. At the time of birth, you could not even imagine that this season stiletto boots are not in trend, it is better to wear a platform. This came over time, with the opinions of others. You have been taught that society can condemn if someone is too different from the gray mass.

Distance yourself from all those who are trying to influence you. They have no right to impose opinions on you and evaluate your life. Remember that your opinion and emotions are deeply individual. Something that you shouldn’t let even those close to you into. You are a person who wants to be happy and will definitely come to this.

8 February 2014, 10:16

Mark Twain

There is no such person who would not like to be confident, because confidence plays a very important role in our lives. important role, it determines what our life will be - successful or unsuccessful. You know this very well, and I know it, therefore, despite the articles already available on this site dedicated to this issue, I am returning to it again and plan to return in the future, until all my materials help you, dear readers, gain self-confidence. Together we will achieve success in this matter! You will definitely become a very confident person, and then many doors will open for you, you will begin to live life to the fullest, you will be able to realize many of your dreams and desires, you will fully realize yourself and become a happy person.

There are many ways to become a confident person, which I wrote about earlier and not only me. All of them, to one degree or another, need attention to themselves, they all need elaboration. But there are ways that, more than others, have a positive impact on a person’s self-confidence, and in this article we will talk about one of these methods. We will talk about perhaps the most important way to increase self-confidence - about our victories and successes that each of us needs to strive for. A successful person, a winner, will always be confident in himself, because he will feel his strength thanks to his successes and victories. And success and victories, in turn, will depend on confidence, thanks to which a person can achieve his goals despite any difficulties. In general, friends, you and I need to understand all these relationships so that you know exactly what you need to do and why in order to gain confidence.

First of all, a person needs to learn to correctly relate to his failures, defeats, mistakes, mistakes, he needs to learn to understand them. His ability to achieve success in various matters will depend on this. After all, it is through failures, defeats and mistakes that the path to success lies. And in order to overcome this path, you need to be able to withstand the blows of fate and not give up. Then success is inevitable. But it is difficult, especially for people with weak character. If a person constantly fails in various things, his self-confidence will decline. This is natural, natural and quite normal, since any failure shows a person his weakness and inability to live, therefore he cannot rely on himself, cannot believe in himself, in himself and in his strength. But he must understand that if he does not give up and continues to fight, then his perseverance and perseverance will sooner or later be crowned with success, they will allow him to win and achieve success. Therefore, difficulties must either be overcome, if you have the strength to do so, or, if you cannot overcome them, then you need to bypass them and go around them, and for this you need to be a fairly smart, flexible, calculating, cunning person. So, a weakness of character can be compensated for by a host of other qualities, but first you need to develop these qualities in yourself. This whole thing is profitable, you can make a winner out of any person, I am absolutely sure of that. The main thing is to find an approach to each person. Remember that winners are not born, they are made. And self-confidence is not a gift from God, but a consequence proper development person. It is important to understand that you should never, under any circumstances, give in to difficulties, you need to fight, you need to look for opportunities, you need to endure until at least an insignificant achievement is achieved. positive result, which will instill in a person hope and faith in ultimate success. Therefore, learning the ability to overcome difficulties and achieve your goals must begin with small victories, but at the same time, it is advisable to ensure that they are regular, then the degree of confidence in a person will slowly but surely grow.

If a person achieves success in life, if he wins, his self-confidence grows, he trusts himself, he sees his strength, sees his capabilities, sees his adaptability to life, and even sees and feels his superiority over other people. This is also important for us, that’s who we are. So, in order to become a self-confident person, you need to learn to win, you need to start achieving success in various matters, primarily related to the satisfaction of a person’s natural needs. This is a very important point that must be taken into account - I mean the importance of a person satisfying his natural needs. The point is that you can be successful person, winner, in some insignificant for real life affairs, but these small victories, this dubious success, will not make a person truly self-confident. Of course, he will gain some kind of self-confidence from minor successes, especially if he attaches great importance to them, but the further these successes are from real life, from the real needs of a person, the weaker this confidence will be.

For example, a person, let it be a man, can be a very good chess player who constantly beats everyone at chess and he can be considered a successful person, a winner, but only in the game of chess. Of course, success in this game will give this man self-confidence, but if at the same time he has serious problems with money, if he does not have a beloved woman, if other men whom he could consider his friends do not communicate with him, he will feel extremely insecure, and in especially severe cases, a complete loser. The thing is that failures in matters more important to life and a person’s inability to satisfy his natural needs, as a rule, have a much stronger impact on his psyche than success, even very great, in matters of less importance. However, there are exceptions that only confirm this rule. Therefore, friends, you need victories like air, but in matters that relate to real, and not to virtual, imaginary life. Of course, you should start with small victories, with small successes in small but important matters in life, gradually striving for greater and greater heights. And you should always remember that life does not consist only of victories, there is also a place in it for defeats, setbacks, and mistakes, which sometimes happen very often. And if you don’t treat them with understanding, you will never come to success, in vain avoiding the defeats and failures that lead to it. This means that you will not be able to gain self-confidence.

How can you learn to win victories that are important for your life in order to use them to increase self-confidence, and how not to be afraid of failures, mistakes, mistakes, defeats that stand in the way of success? This task is, in fact, not easy, since it requires an individual approach to each specific person who needs to be taught to win in order to instill in him a taste for victories and success. To implement this, it is necessary to take into account personal characteristics a person and his life story. After all different people We are capable of different tasks, some need to start with small victories, some are capable of more complex things, and some can immediately aim for great achievements. Everyone has their own capabilities.

When I help people gain self-confidence, I study their lives and themselves very carefully, starting from childhood. This allows me to develop for each person an individual recipe for achieving success, guided by which they are guaranteed to win in matters that are truly significant for their lives, taking into account their desires and needs. If a person is poor, I help him improve his financial situation, if he is lonely, I help him find friends and a soul mate, and so on. In general, I help a person win where he needs to win. At the same time, he and I begin the path to success from the very first steps that he can take, from the smallest, but very important victories. Thanks to small victories, which later develop into big victories, people gradually increase their self-confidence, and therefore they themselves, without anyone’s help, achieve success in a variety of things, thereby increasing their confidence.

So, to put it simply, you need victories to increase self-confidence, and not in some unimportant matters in life, but in serious, important matters, directly related to your basic needs, and only then to all your desires. But achieving these victories can sometimes be difficult if there is no clear action plan that takes into account a person’s current capabilities. It is not so easy to achieve success in a business in which you need to be able to show your strongest qualities and beat other people who also want to be first, want to be the best, want to be winners. That's why it's needed individual program achieving success, and in those matters in which it is easier for each individual person to achieve success at the first stage. Self-confidence should grow gradually, as a person overcomes various difficulties and obstacles that he is able to overcome. But great and quick successes, which some people are able to achieve mainly only thanks to a successful combination of circumstances, most often make them overly self-confident and inadequately assessing themselves and their capabilities, and then only for a short time, since external circumstances are constantly changing, and along with them, the self-confidence of those who depend on these circumstances and rely on them changes. Therefore, you need to learn to go to success yourself, and not wait for it to come to you.

An important role in the issue of self-confidence is also played by a person’s attitude towards the victories and successes that already exist and previously existed in his life, which must be able to recognize and highlight against the background of everything else. People usually remember the bad better than the good, they remember their failures, they remember grievances, they remember the evil that happened in their lives. But the good things are often forgotten by them, successes, especially if there were few of them, are also forgotten, but at the same time, our self-confidence is based precisely on them - on our successes and victories. Let you make a hundred mistakes, but the hundred and first time you will achieve success - it is this hundred and first time that you should count as your asset, it is this that you need to remember throughout your life, it is this that you need to use as a moral support when solving your current and future tasks and problems, and while overcoming various difficulties. If you know that you can, that you are capable, that you have the strength to solve any problems and achieve success in any business, because you have already managed to do this before, then you will definitely solve your problems, you will definitely achieve success and your self-confidence will inevitably increase . Our past victories and achievements are our strength. We don’t need to pump up our psyche with all sorts of nonsense, because of which a person imagines himself as a kind of superman who is capable of anything, we just need to know about our strength and focus our attention on it.

Your self-confidence, friends, is your shield from any difficulties and adversities, and it is also your energy necessary to achieve success in life. Therefore, you need to build it piece by piece, or even grain of sand, depending on the characteristics of your life. Victories lead a person to self-confidence, and self-confidence leads him to even greater victories, thus increasing himself. Learn to win, learn to bypass and overcome all kinds of obstacles, depending on your capabilities, learn to see in yourself strong man, whom you can trust. And don’t even think about letting yourself down - if you promise yourself to do something, do it, and always be sure to bring all your tasks to the end. Otherwise, you won’t be able to trust yourself, which means you won’t be able to believe in yourself.

Any person, even if he has professional skills, needs confidence. It is determined by subjective self-esteem, beliefs, psycho emotional condition, inner mood. Confident people can clearly formulate their thoughts and be a good conversationalist.

But sometimes we cannot adequately assess our skills, doubting ourselves. You need to be confident in different aspects of your life - in your endeavors, in your talents, in your skills, in your ability to communicate. This article will give tips to eliminate self-doubt and develop confidence in communication and in your qualities.

1. Don't try to get rid of doubts.

Anyone starting something new has to struggle with doubts. Will he succeed? Will his work be in vain? It is worth remembering the phrase of Hesse, who said that faith and doubt are inextricably linked with each other, causing one to the other. This means that uncertainty is a natural thing that is bound to happen at the beginning of any project. And you shouldn’t try to run away from it, there’s nothing wrong with doubts. So you should not allow them, but just go about your business without listening to interfering inner voices. Doubts are emotions that are not connected to reality. If you make every effort, indecision will dissipate.

2 . Know the moments when faith goes away.

It is worth highlighting situations when doubts plague you. These may be minutes of falling asleep. Then you can get used to it and treat it leniently. And if completely ignored inner voice If it doesn’t work out, you can always make an adjustment to the emotional state that is normal for such a situation. If there is a certain pattern, then the cost of such doubts will decrease. And, on the contrary, you need to catch moments of self-confidence, focusing attention on them. In such a state, it is worth thinking about the subject that raises doubts. On a wave of vigor and strength, it will be easier to decide on something.

3.Know yours strengths.

At the moment of frustration, just one careless comment from the outside can damage the confidence in the action being performed. Unfortunately, people overestimate the significance of the current moment, immediately transferring it to the global perception of life. The realization that they are not capable of anything leads to the idea that it has always been this way. Both previous successes and strengths are forgotten. At such moments, you should not give in to your mood, but you should try to really evaluate yourself. There is a lot that a person can do and that he has already achieved. Facts will help restore an adequate view of reality. And it is on them that you should rely, and not on momentary emotions and doubts.

4. Don’t listen to those who say things are hopeless.

When there are doubts about the success of a business, you always want to consult with family and friends. Where else can I find support? But it happens that, on the contrary, they warn about the hopelessness of the event. Some people simply think about their own psychological comfort rather than the personal happiness of others. But are there really so few people who are insecure? And are there only winners gathered around? Many are simply afraid to set out on their own; they believe that others are unable to succeed for the same reason. These people are waiting for your failure, because success will be a reproach to them. Will a hired employee be able to give good advice about starting your own business? That is why it is worth taking advice not from everyone, but from those who have actually achieved success in the right field. It is from them that we should take an example.

5. In moments of doubt, imagine yourself as ideal.

Our insecurities sometimes try to present themselves as common sense. We believe that we are incapable of doing something for some objective reason. So, a guy is afraid to meet a girl, considering himself ugly, stupid, knowing that she already has someone. In fact, all of these are traits of insecurity. You need to form an image of your ideal self in your head. He is not afraid of anything and is always confident in himself. As if in critical situation has our perfect clone arrived? Would he really back down? But you shouldn’t rush headlong to repeat all his actions, we’re not ideal. We just need to realize that we differ only in fears and doubts, it is they that prevent us from acting. Then the problem will immediately cease to be as difficult as it seemed. And now it will be much easier to decide to take action.

6. Remember that everything depends only on ourselves.

In moments when you are tormented by doubts, you need to understand that everything depends only on you. It is we who determine the success of the business. If you show diligence, then everything will certainly work out. And if not, then no one is stopping you from trying again. Each of us is free to express our innate qualities, which will help us get what we want from life. More depends on our will than we usually think. And we need to stop seeing obstacles everywhere. The one who walks will master the road!

7. Let go of paranoia.

Sometimes it seems that everyone around us is closely watching us, noticing shortcomings, mistakes, remembering words. In fact, everyone is obsessed with their problems. People think about themselves even while pretending to listen to others. This is why paranoia is unnecessary. Don't be afraid to communicate or speak publicly. And we are clearly not at the center of the Universe for everyone to think only about us.

8. Listen to others.

If we learn to focus our attention on someone other than ourselves, then our mind will not have time to be tormented by doubts. Why not listen to outsiders instead of worrying only about yourself? This way you can not only take your mind off your fears, but also look more closely at others, noticing something new in them.

9. Get rid of perfectionism.

It is worth understanding that no one is perfect, including us. And it's worth accepting. Based on this, you should stop reacting painfully to your failures. But they are trying to shake their self-confidence. So, realizing that your step or words were wrong, you just need to draw conclusions from this and not repeat mistakes in the future. This will be much more productive than reproaching yourself for mistakes.

10. Don't be afraid of people.

We are surrounded by people, each of whom has their own weaknesses and shortcomings. True, at the same time they can look extremely self-confident. We shouldn’t assume that there are only professionals around us. Rather, on the contrary, there are much more insecure and self-doubting people. They just hide it better. And there is no need to be afraid of people, especially if they cannot harm us. Our bosses, colleagues, women and men are just like us.

11. There is no need to appear better than you are.

When trying to convince others that we are the smartest and the best, it is important not to overdo it. After all, this will be the best evidence of self-doubt. When we don’t feel our strengths, we try to convince others of their presence. So ostentatious boasting, vanity, assertiveness in communication can tell about internal doubts and uncertainty. That is why you should not try to look better than you really are. The place to start persuasion is with yourself. And to other people we should appear exactly who we are.

12. Don't be too modest.

In moderation, modesty beautifies people. And if you can’t seem better than you are, then you shouldn’t underestimate your capabilities either. If you're asked about your strengths in an interview, why not confidently talk about them? If a person speaks boldly about his best qualities, then this indicates his self-confidence. This is noted from the outside, flowing into confidence in the person himself. Since we have no doubts when talking about advantages, it means there is no reason to look for disadvantages. If our qualities are appreciated by others, then there is no need to be embarrassed when receiving compliments. After all, we really deserve it. You just need to thank me for the kind words addressed to you.

13. Portray self-confidence.

And although we have already talked about how important it is to be yourself, in some situations it is worth pretending to be confident when you feel a lack of it. First of all, it is simply beneficial, it creates a positive image. Confident people are loved and trusted more. And even with the illusion of such a feeling, part of it still passes to us. Often our insecurity is an emotion that prevents the manifestation of real qualities. But you can not be led by feelings, but take control of them.

14. Maintain goodwill.

It's easy to smile more, be interested in others' problems, and encourage them. This will help you win over your interlocutors. And when they are predisposed towards you, then it will be easier to maintain confidence in yourself.

15. Be sincere.

It is important to speak openly about your views and share your thoughts. This will help you not become isolated. But at the same time, it’s worth assessing the situation: won’t such an approach disturb the comfort of other people? Being insecure, we constantly do not speak up, keeping something inside. But this does not help to gain confidence, it only takes it away. Self-development makes us open; for loved ones we should always be sincere. You can safely speak about your views, and if they are wrong, then why not change them under the influence of reasonable criticism and arguments? It's so interesting to discuss different topics, expand your horizons. Speaking your thoughts out loud and presenting them to the judgment of others, you have to cast aside all doubts. This builds self-confidence because we expose ourselves to the test of criticism and other people's point of view. Such factors strengthen faith. And you shouldn’t wait for someone to take the first step; sometimes you can take it yourself if circumstances allow it. Sincere dialogue will remove all barriers. And if we are frank with a person, then he will answer us the same. And when we realize that they have opened up to us, it will give us confidence.

16. Attention to external data.

Don’t forget that people are greeted by their clothes. But intelligence, charisma and charm are also important, playing an even larger role.

17. You can’t be timid.

You must learn to speak clearly, while looking your interlocutors in the eyes and without waving your arms. Don't wring your fingers, pick your lips, or draw out sounds. It is worth learning to take care of yourself and your body, and hone your communication skills. Sooner or later there will be no trace of timidity left. Then the thoughts that prevent you from deciding on something important will disappear from your head. Internal barriers will melt with them.

18. Help people.

If assistance is provided, it will not go unnoticed. Our experience, skills and knowledge will be appreciated. And then they will certainly respond to us, if not with support, then with gratitude, believing in us. This is a good foundation for gaining confidence.

19. Don’t look for the problem only in yourself.

Yes, you often need to be able to take responsibility on yourself, and not shift it to others. But this rule requires care. Sometimes we are not understood or supported, but it is not our fault. Others may be to blame. Some people are fundamentally incapable of understanding and are not ready to make contact, while others laugh at all other people’s ideas, asserting themselves. And someone is angry with the whole world, criticizing everyone and everything. It’s worth accepting this and stopping blaming yourself for things that are not our fault.

Did you make a bad impression? So what? What will be next? Is it so important what people you meet for the first time and with whom you most likely will not have contact think about you? Are you afraid that a girl will refuse to go on a date? If this happens, life will not stop. So why be afraid of this? Are you afraid of your boss? But what can he do, because he is the same person with his own burden of responsibility. Children in the kindergarten are also afraid of their teachers; you shouldn’t be like them. There are many reasons for fear in our lives - interviews, conversations about salaries. Let people think what they want, we have our own goals. Some fear should not stand in our way. If we ask ourselves the question “what next” every time we are afraid and in doubt, we will understand that many situations do not deserve to worry about them. Some people are quite harmless, so why be embarrassed by your fears?

21. Stick to your opinion.

There are things about which one must maintain an unshakable position and strong views. And here we cannot rush to agree with everyone. It's not a matter of blind stubbornness. It will also be a mistake to aggressively, assertively defend one’s judgments. This suggests that there is a certain deliberate position that a random opinion cannot shake. Words and actions should be based on such principles. And such confidence will help you go about your business.

22. Learn from life itself.

It's not hard to find several workshops and courses that can help you build your self-confidence. But why pay if reality itself gives many reasons to develop such qualities in yourself? We will be taught to behave using the example of artificial situations. Confidence is needed for life, so it’s worth learning from it. To do this, you need to communicate more, get to know interesting people. The advice received should be put into practice, observing yourself and realizing at what moments uncertainty manifests itself. Then you should think about why this is happening and what to do about it next. Going to interviews will be a good lesson, they will become free classes business communication.

23. Develop yourself.

It is difficult to believe in your qualities if they are poorly developed. To realize your powers, you need to really have them. An important part of confidence is self-perception and emotional state. But this alone is not enough. An increase in faith must certainly go along with self-development, then something will appear in a person on which the awareness of possibilities will be based. For this you need to improve your personal qualities. Reading specialized blogs, fiction and educational literature will help develop willpower and self-control. It’s worth thinking about improving your professional skills, realizing your ultimate goal and pursuing it. You should always strive to find something new in this world and learn. And as you gain new skills, your self-confidence will also increase. How can you doubt something that you have devoted so much time to and that turns out better than others?

24. Accept your shortcomings.

In addition to the fact that you need to know your strengths, you should not forget about your shortcomings. And this is important, because a calm and thoughtful attitude will help you understand what needs to be worked on. And you shouldn’t focus on this, on the fact that you don’t know how to do anything. Why not think about what you can do, but at the same time there are some shortcomings. This will highlight qualities that can be improved, some may turn out to be unnecessary, and some cannot be done at all. But that’s normal - you can’t be perfect. You can simply make a list of the things that go wrong in life, and then think about all the points. And these shortcomings are not a given and a constant, but something that can be worked on. With effort, everything can change. If you believe that all qualities can be developed (and this is indeed the case) and strive for this, then you can avoid life situations in which uncertainty will manifest itself. Those who have difficulty communicating can be advised to talk to people more. If you have a fear of speaking in front of an audience, there is only one way to learn it. We must not be afraid, but move forward.

25. Don’t wait for confidence to come, but start taking action.

This tip is both the last and the most important. There is no need to wait for the moment until fear and uncertainty leave your soul. You can spend your whole life like this without starting to do anything. You must understand that fears will not go away; they, as already said, accompany any business. And you cannot become confident in yourself until you begin to step over complexes and tightness. Despite them, we must fight anxiety. And our goal is not to get rid of fear, but to control it. And the stronger it is, the easier it will be in the end. There is no point in waiting for it to become easy. Life will toughen us and make our character truly solid.

Instructions

Remember that self-doubt is determined by the fears lurking in the mind. In this case, the main thing is the fear of how others will perceive your words, actions, appearance, what they will think of you, etc. and so on. Knowing the cause of uncertainty, you can fight it.

You need to do something and you are unsure of yourself. Imagine that the worst thing that can happen in this situation has already happened. Come to terms with this internally, accept it as a fact. For example, a guy wants to meet you (or vice versa), but is afraid to take the first step - to approach, to say something. Fears: they will laugh at him, they will refuse him reciprocity, he will look very stupid.

If you find yourself in this situation, evaluate your fears and accept that all this can happen. Moreover, accept the negative outcome as already accomplished, feel it. Everything has already happened, you have nothing to fear anymore. Therefore, nothing prevents you from approaching and saying the first words.

Use small accomplishment tactics. Find small daily challenges for yourself and overcome them. They can be outwardly quite insignificant - asking someone about something, doing something in front of others. By overcoming your insecurities in small things, you will gradually begin to notice that it is increasingly easier for you to communicate with people.

If you have a big task ahead of you, break it down into a sequence of small actions, and then focus on completing them one by one. This approach gives good results - you stop seeing a large complex task, instead a large number of small actions appear, each of which individually does not look so scary.

Always remember that the vast majority of people don't care about you. They don't care what you look like, what you say, how you act, etc. and so on. If you are walking down the street, looking down and blushing at the mere thought that others are looking at you and might think something negative, relax - they are interested in their own problems and concerns, but not you.

Learn to smile. A smile is an excellent way to relieve excess stress. Smile, even if you are in a completely inappropriate mood for this, and you will immediately feel your fears and stiffness go away. The effectiveness of a smile as a means of combating uncertainty, constraint, and stress is explained purely physiologically: people smile when they feel good and comfortable. By smiling in a situation where you are not in the mood to smile, you trigger a feedback mechanism that allows you to relax and feel more confident.

Choose the image of a totem animal that, in your mind, is associated with strength, dexterity, and confidence. Then try to feel like one. For example, walking down the street, imagine yourself as a lion. The lion is the king of the jungle, no one and nothing can resist him. Feel his strength, calm grace, a certain laziness caused by the feeling of his own power. Enter the image and you will see that uncertainty goes away, it is much easier for you to cope with what causes you fears.

Self-confidence and self-confidence is not only an active life position, but also the key to success in any area of ​​life. Confident women reach the top of the career ladder, subjugate men and evoke admiration from others. There are several ways to develop a sense of confidence.

Instructions

The first thing you need to pay attention to is your behavior. Strong natures move with confident steps, have impeccable posture and “royal” manners. A woman with all her appearance should command respect and admiration. Do not confuse self-confidence with. Pride and indifference to the opinions of others is not a sign of confidence. In this case, we mean a firm position in life and a focus on achieving one’s goals.

The second point is appearance. Many may assume that a confident woman must wear business suits and use a minimal amount of makeup. On the one hand, such traits may indicate confidence, but they are not its main signs. A playful girl in jeans and a simple hairstyle can look much stronger than a strict lady in a pantsuit. The main thing is to present the image to others. If you decide to do exotic makeup, show with all your appearance that it is beautiful.

The third point is attitude towards yourself. Never engage in self-flagellation and self-criticism. By criticizing your appearance and behavior, you only make the situation worse. Smile at yourself in the mirror, compliment yourself, admire yourself. If you love yourself, then those around you will change their attitude towards you.

In conversations with others, never hesitate to express your opinion, even if it differs from the point of view of the majority. Play out situations in front of a mirror and think about what arguments you can use to persuade. Speak in public more often, do not refuse the opportunity to speak in front of a large audience.

Make excuses to others as little as possible. Even if you made a mistake, you shouldn’t turn it into a lifelong problem. It is likely that success awaits you in a new business or in a completely different field of activity.

Video on the topic

Often insecure people try to hide their fear behind a mask of indifference or imperturbable calm. Here are some dos and don'ts that will help you feel comfortable in any environment.

Instructions

The simplest things influence our lives. These things include a smile. Even if you are in a bad mood, try to smile and your mood will immediately improve. A person who smiles and smiles looks happy, open, attractive to people and, of course, confident.

Fussiness is the first sign of discomfort. To increase your self-confidence, calm down and find a comfortable, relaxed position. As you learn to express calm on the outside, you will gradually become calmer on the inside.

Fear of direct eye contact reveals an indecisive and insecure person. Therefore, to show your confidence, look into a person’s eyes when talking and do not try to hide your gaze. This will let him know that he is heard and understood.

Many people, when nervous, begin to giggle, which has nothing to do with healthy laughter. To prevent this from happening, avoid awkward situations. An open smile and laughter will say much more about you than inappropriate nervous laughter.

To avoid feeling awkward, talk more. If you have nothing to say, then ask intellectual questions, which can show your attentiveness and professionalism. And these are the qualities of a confident person.

In any conversation, sooner or later there comes a time when questions begin to be asked of you. To increase self-confidence, you need to become a full participant in the conversation. And this implies benevolence and openness to interlocutors.

Video on the topic

How difficult it is sometimes for a teenager to assert himself in a team! Only a few become leaders, the rest are content with the role of “average”, and some, unfortunately, become outcasts. To help a teenager adapt to a social environment and position himself correctly in a team, a sense of self-confidence is necessary. A few tips will help you develop it.

Don't pay attention to any ridicule! After all, you can find a lot of reasons for them - for example, a funny surname, too small or, conversely, too a big increase, features of figure and build, poor eyesight, unusual hobby, etc. and so on. The main thing here is not to get into a fight, no matter how offensive it may be. You need to learn to calmly look into the eyes of those who offend you and shrug your shoulders indifferently. All! After two or three attempts, those teasing will lose any desire to continue - after all, they wanted to provoke negative emotions, enjoy the humiliation of the weak. And since the goal is, then there is no point in trying.

Don’t be afraid to stand out from your peers. An unusual hairstyle and clothes will allow you to be different from everyone else - the main thing is not to overdo it! Non-standard behavior first arouses interest and then a desire to imitate. It has long been noted: if, for example, a student at school during recess does not take part in general games, but steps aside and begins to do his own thing - draw, play a game, etc. – then soon the West class will gather around him. Worth a try!

Take care of yourself! Impeccable appearance is the key good attitude those around you. But it can alienate people, for example, bad smell from the mouth, sniffing, the appearance of bitten nails, the aroma of sweat from the armpits, etc. All this must be controlled! You can even make a special memo about what you need to check in your appearance, and review it before leaving the house.

Keep your head held high. Don't slouch, straighten your shoulders proudly, lift your chin - that's the image! You should learn to look directly into the eyes of your interlocutor when speaking. And a charming smile will complete the “royal” appearance and disarm even negatively minded opponents.

You can't achieve anything in life without self-confidence. It is self-confidence that helps you not to give up and find the strength to move on. Self-confidence is an acquired character trait, not an innate one. It’s rare that someone is so lucky that he doesn’t suffer from complexes and doesn’t become disappointed in himself over time. Self-confidence is formed through character, personal qualities and hard work on oneself. Therefore, it depends only on you how quickly you develop self-confidence.

You will need

• Willpower and desire.

Instructions

Don't forget about your successes. Very often people focus not on their own achievements, but on what they failed to do. Of course, this is not bad if a person wants to correct the situation and achieve what he wants, but when this leads to a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence, real problems begin. Therefore, as often as possible, remember those successes that you can rightfully be proud of, or even better, write them down on a piece of paper and read it in the morning before starting your work day and at night before going to bed.

Don't beat yourself up for failures. If you make a mistake, analyze what happened, correct what you can and move on. There is no point in constantly remembering what happened. What has happened has passed. It’s more important not to repeat your own mistakes and learn to avoid wrong decisions, but you shouldn’t be afraid to take responsibility either. There are no ideal people in the world.

Don't live in the past. Don't expect everything to change tomorrow. Live today, here and now. The future has not yet arrived, and the past has disappeared over the horizon. If you constantly dream or remember how good it was before, you will not notice how life has passed. Nothing is more demoralizing than putting off planned tasks until tomorrow.

Appreciate what you have. The greatest happiness of a person is always the ability to rejoice in what he has. This is not as easy as it might seem at first glance, but it is necessary for a full life. In addition, this will allow you not to make a mistake in choosing what else you would like to get from this life. After all, sometimes people chase what they don’t need at all.

Don't let anyone put you down. Neither loved ones, nor friends, nor relatives have the right to criticize your personal qualities. You can only criticize the actions of others when they directly affect someone else's interests. Therefore, you should not confuse the desire to help you with advice and rude interference in your life. Although usually advice should only be given to those who ask for it.

note

When communicating with officials, follow the laws, remember your own rights and their responsibilities. As soon as they try to put pressure on you, to declare that they know better what to do, do not get lost, but immediately remind them of your own rights, the rights of a citizen and a person. It is very important to stop their attempts to suppress you and force you to retreat in time. And for this, read the laws, because for a skillful conversation with civil servants this is mandatory.

Confidence is something that defines our entire life. Depending on the degree of confidence of a person, the circle of his acquaintances, friends, the areas of activity where he manifests himself, and many other characteristics are formed. But many of us are not yet fully confident in ourselves, so we have not yet been able to achieve everything that we would really like. This article is aimed at helping people suffering from insecurity syndrome overcome their illness.

1. Always think about yourself.

This does not mean that you should become selfish. This means that you should not think much about other people with whom you will talk, get acquainted, or meet. All conversations should be spontaneous. Therefore, you should not think too much about extraneous phenomena. Just do what you want and need to do, and the rest will come into your life on its own.

2. Never despair.

Mistakes happen to everyone. No one can boast of a perfectly clean reputation. But the fact that mistakes teach is indeed true. So don’t be afraid to try yourself in different roles and areas of activity.

3. Be interested in what is happening around you.

Don't isolate yourself. Attend events and meetings that interest you. And don’t think about what will happen there and how other participants will treat you. Enjoy the moments and don't care what others say.

4. Maintain communication with different people.

Never try to escape reality long time. Yes, it is a fact that sometimes each of us needs time to be alone with ourselves, but when this solitude drags on for weeks, months and even years, then you are dooming yourself to loneliness.

5. Keep a positive attitude.

Smile at passers-by, give compliments and don’t worry about how you will look or what you will say. Sincerity has always been in fashion, so keep positive energy and give it to others.

Many people ask the question: “What should I do to become confident?” Self-confidence allows you to feel happy and be successful in any field. There are many ways to become confident.

1. Smile all the time. Always find a reason to be happy. Good mood always allows you to win people over and look confident.

2. Learn to respect and love yourself. A confident person always respects himself and is proud of himself. Don't worry about your shortcomings. Pay more attention to your strengths.

3. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Understand that every person is unique and there is no reason to compare yourself to other people. A person who compares himself to other people will always experience feelings of envy and self-doubt.

4. Don't be swayed by other people's opinions. You should never take other people's opinions seriously. Confident people always have their own opinions and do not depend on the opinions of other people.

5. Don't criticize yourself, but praise yourself. Get rid of the habit of criticizing yourself. Start new habit- constantly praise yourself. If you start praising yourself more often, you will feel more confident.

6. Always be calm. People very often make a tragedy out of a small problem. Don't worry too much about some small problem. Understand that any problems can be solved. Look at life more simply and you will feel confident.

7. Choose your environment. You need to have real friends who will support and help you. With real friends you will feel real self-confidence.

8. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. There is no need to be afraid of mistakes, you need to learn from them. Mistakes teach us valuable lessons. So try to make the most of mistakes.

Self-improvement is the path to inner harmony and self-confidence. Let's figure out exactly what actions give us this very confidence.

Collect information about yourself

To work on yourself, you need to understand very precisely what you are dealing with. The approach in the style of the most charming and attractive, of course, is good, but still it is precisely this that prevents us from seeing the shortcomings in ourselves, by correcting which we will become much better. Arm yourself with a pen and a piece of paper and sort your personality into the areas of life that are important to you. Maybe you don't know how to listen and because of this you don't have good relationships with people. Maybe you are very impulsive when shopping and therefore cannot get your financial affairs in order. Or maybe you just can’t decide to take life into your own hands and stop living with an eye on the opinions of others, who knows?

There would be a desire

Everything is possible, you just have to want it, including a total struggle with your shortcomings. Of course, the process is difficult and painstaking, requiring a certain amount of willpower, but if you sincerely decided that it’s time to change something, no one will force you to turn away from your chosen path of improving yourself. There will, of course, be moments of weakness, but they will not have a significant impact on the final result. If you sincerely want to improve, you will succeed.

Give the world kindness

Negative emotions towards ourselves, the people around us and the world can significantly damage our self-esteem, while a good attitude raises it to the skies. Be kinder to people, do kind deeds, even small ones. For example, donating 100 rubles to an animal shelter or paying for an old lady’s purchases in a supermarket is not such a big deal, but very, very important.

Make a “list of rules”

Each person should have his own set of principles. This will help you make the right decision in a difficult situation, because such a moral sheet will serve as a guiding map for your entire life. By placing personal principles and goals above people and circumstances, you will very soon gain not only self-confidence, but also respect from others.

Speak slowly

It just so happens that the calmer you speak, the better the interlocutor perceives the information conveyed to him. Very often politicians and public figures use this feature of our brain to convey some idea or news to the masses. You can also learn to speak more slowly and calmly, and your communications with others will be much more successful.

Watch your posture

In fact, posture is everything. Once you roll your shoulders, straighten your back and lift your chin proudly, your whole appearance and attitude are completely transformed, and you look much more confident and attractive than before. Self-confidence depends primarily not on beauty, but on internal sensations.

Constantly improve your competence

Learn every day, every minute, every second. You can choose one area or “grab the best” from each interesting area, it’s not so important. The most important thing is not to stop in your development. The more positive things you do for yourself, the more you learn and the better you are, the more confident you are.

Say goodbye to bad habits

If stopping eating sweets or smoking instantly is too difficult for you, start with small steps. For example, get rid of the habit of putting off washing dishes until later. Stop staying up late in front of the TV. Get up every day 5-10 minutes earlier than the previous day. Such small steps will help you train your willpower and realize that in fact only you are the master of your life. This awareness gives a huge sense of confidence.

Play sports

Sport develops not only strength, but also spirit. Regular exercise will help you get to know yourself and your body, and understand “what kind of dough you are made of.” Also, attending training requires willpower and a certain level of discipline. Plus, they improve your overall appearance, which also boosts confidence.

A well-groomed appearance is the result of daily work on yourself. And here the girls are divided into two categories. The first one is working on herself and her appearance, acquires useful habits. The second category of girls envy them. Being stylish is not so difficult; all you need to know is to know a few secrets.

Get ready in the evening. Think over your look in the evening. This will allow you to avoid wasting morning hours trying to find the right clothes. The main thing here is to find out the weather for the next day.

Choose your underwear carefully. This is exactly what creates your image. Properly selected underwear helps highlight your figure and improve your silhouette.

Choose clothes according to the weather. Stylish girls always dress according to the weather, this allows them to feel comfortable and confident.

Choose a style that suits you. Choose clothes that suit your lifestyle and body type.

Add some bright details. The right accessories can help transform your ordinary clothes into festive ones. This could be a scarf, an expensive bag, large earrings or a belt. However, remember that you cannot have too many accessories, otherwise you risk “overloading” the image.

Change your clothes at home. As soon as you get home, change your clothes. This way your going out outfits will be able to maintain a presentable appearance for a long time.

Prepare for Trouble. Always carry thread with a needle and adhesive tape with you. They will come in handy if you have to sew something up or if you get a callus.

Create your own style. Never wear things that don't suit you, even if they are trendy. It is better to choose what makes you attractive.

Shoes for the occasion. Always choose shoes according to your style and event. In some cases, shoes may look out of place; in others, ballet flats will look too simple.

Readers of my blog often ask me the question: “ how to become a confident person" In this article I will answer this question.

Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of ourselves, our capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal attitudes. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills and abilities.

When you are good at something, and at the same time, reality has repeatedly demonstrated to you that you have truly succeeded in this skill, you have less food to doubt your skill.

If you have never had problems communicating, if you have always been able to clearly formulate your thoughts, be interesting conversationalist and you have always seen what a good impression you make on other people, then it will be difficult for you to doubt yourself as an interlocutor.

But things are not always that simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can and cannot do, we still doubt ourselves.

I'll give you 25 tips on how to become confident. Self-confidence concerns different aspects. Firstly, it is confidence in one’s strengths, in one’s capabilities, in one’s undertakings. Secondly, it is self-confidence in the communication process, which is expressed in firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Thirdly, this is the perception of your real qualities. By developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.

In my advice I will touch on all these components. I won't categorize advice based on how it relates to these multiple levels of self-confidence. After all, confidence in own strength associated, for example, with confidence in communication. All these tips are interconnected and are suitable for a person who is afraid to communicate and a person who doubts his abilities or cannot defend his own point of view.

However, I will try to follow this line: first there will be advice related to working on eliminating doubts, then there will be advice regarding confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about acquiring some personal skills and abilities.

Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!

When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice won’t be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »

At the same time, I was reading the book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me awaken faith in myself. “...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”

Some of my readers may think that this will be followed by my phrase: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”

No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me finally become convinced of what I had only guessed about. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any endeavor. It is not always possible to escape from them somewhere. . Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but simply to do my job, without listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.

The fact is that in large quantities cases of doubt are only emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you won’t succeed at something, it doesn’t mean that you really won’t succeed if you try your best.

If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be exactly like that.

Doubts and confidence constantly replace each other. These are temporary phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were more sure of it than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when their strength leaves them.

Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of the emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes you can simply get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.

But other times, you just have to stop listening to that voice of doubt and take action. It's normal to doubt yourself, and sometimes it even helps you get rid of a lot of overconfidence. But doubts should not stand in the way of all your endeavors.

I want to say that becoming self-confident does not mean never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!

If you want to know, I still doubt myself often, but do I come across as an insecure person? If I stopped every time I encountered doubt, you would see almost no article on this site.

Tip 2 – Know the time when self-confidence leaves you

Pay attention to when and in what situations you are usually tormented by doubts. If you find some kind of pattern in this, then do not attach much importance to it.

For example, I noticed that I begin to strongly doubt myself, my endeavors, my words, my thoughts just before bed, when I start to fall asleep. I’ve already gotten used to this, and when self-doubt visits me again, I greet it like an old acquaintance: “here they are, evening doubts, as usual.”

I can’t say that I completely ignore this voice, but if I listen to it, I make allowances for the fact that this is a common emotional state for this time of day. And if at this time I doubt what I said, this does not mean that I am actually wrong.

On the contrary, in the morning I am usually confident in myself, sometimes even too confident. And evening doubts balance morning confidence, so I don’t deprive the evening doubting voice of attention, I just make corrections.

Learn to pay attention to the temporary, incoming nature of doubt, depending on your current state. Remember at what moments uncertainty comes to you. And if this happens all the time, and you see a pattern in this, reduce these doubts “in price”.

Also use moments of “confidence” to destroy your doubts. Think about what you doubt when you are on the rise of vigor and strength. This will help you decide on something.

Sometimes, if I'm tired or upset about something, one unkind comment on the site can kill the confidence in what I'm doing for a while in a matter of seconds. (Is it true Lately this happens less and less. Not comments, but uncertainty.)

And at this moment it doesn’t matter to me that a few minutes before I didn’t doubt anything. It also doesn’t matter to me that reality has repeatedly demonstrated to me that what I’m doing is correct.

People tend to overestimate the significance of the present moment in time and they extrapolate their current state to the global perspective of life. If it now seems to them that they are capable of nothing, then they begin to think that it has always been this way, despite all past successes.

At such moments, just try to look at reality, at your actual capabilities and successes, without succumbing to your current state. It’s like “in fact, I can do this and that, I can do this and that, I’ve already achieved this and that.”

For example, when I start to doubt my ideas, I think: my site has helped many people, they have already written to me about it, they read it regularly and leave grateful comments, someone, thanks to my advice, has learned to cope with... panic attacks etc.

At such moments, I do not try to praise myself, but simply look at the facts in order to regain an adequate understanding of reality.

I recommend that you stop at the facts and no longer argue with yourself. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (fatigue, irritation), you most likely will not be able to get rid of them until this state passes.

And if you start thinking about it a lot, then your mind, constrained by a state of fatigue, will continue to doubt and lead you to uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these doubts are lies. Rely on reality, not emotions. Didn't help much? Nothing, it happens. Then just forget about it and don't think about doubts. They will pass along with your bad mood.

Tip 4 – Don’t listen to people who say “you can’t do it”

It happens that when you doubt something, you share your plans with your friends and acquaintances. You expect them to support you in your new endeavor, but often all you get is a stop sign.

Some people are simply unable to dispel your doubts for the reason that they care about their own psychological comfort, and not about your happiness.

You don’t think that you are the only person who lacks self-confidence, and you are surrounded only by people who are confident in their own abilities? Unfortunately, most people never decide to do anything bold and independent. They want to believe that if something didn’t work out for them, then you won’t succeed either.

They secretly wish for your failure and even expect it. Because your success can become a living reproach for them, a reminder of missed opportunities.

Imagine that you have decided to open your own business and are consulting with a person who has been employed most of his life. What advice do you expect from him? Most likely, he will say that nothing will work out for you (because it didn’t work out for him), that you are taking risks and you should not go into this field, but continue to live an ordinary life and go to work every day.

Therefore, consult about your endeavors with those people who have already achieved some success in the area about which you want to get advice. Take your example from them, and not from those who have failed.

Tip 5 – When you doubt yourself, think about your “ideal self”

It happens that our self-doubt tries to fraudulently pass itself off as arguments. common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or young man and ask him or her out on a date.

You tell yourself that it is not fear that is holding you back, but some objective obstacles. You think that this person will refuse you, that he already has someone, that you are not his type, and therefore there is no point in asking him out and wasting your time on it.

But, in fact, you are simply afraid and do not want to admit your fear to yourself, coming up with excuses. How do you understand that it is fear that is holding you back?

Form in your mind an image of an “ideal self” who is not afraid of anything and who is always confident. It is a perfect copy of yourself. Think about what it would do if it were you? Wouldn't it even try to get its way?

But even if this “ideal self” decided to invite another person on a date, this does not mean that you are obliged to do so. You are not perfect. But when you realize that ideally you would have to cast aside doubts and act, you realize that all that is holding you back is only your fear and no other restrictions. The problem will immediately lose the complexity that you assigned to it. With this understanding, it will be much easier for you to decide on something.

Find out more about the “ideal self” method in my article.

While you are tormented by doubts: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m not capable of anything,” “I won’t be able to, etc.” , remember that everything depends only on your will. You yourself determine whether something will work out for you or not. If you want and show diligence, then everything will work out. And even if not, try again.

You are free people, and no innate qualities or character traits prevent you from achieving your goal and becoming the person you want to become, having received from life what you want to get. There are many more things subject to your will than you yourself are used to thinking.

You should stop seeing restrictions where there are none. Don't be afraid of difficulties, just start taking action.

The next few tips will touch on the problem of self-doubt in communication.

I already wrote about what I want to talk about at this point in the article, and here I will repeat it again. Don't think that all the people around you are constantly watching you, noticing all your shortcomings and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. Most of the time they think about themselves, even when they pretend to listen to you.

So relax and calm down. There is no reason to be afraid of communication or public speaking. People pay much less attention to you than you think.

I give this advice in many of my articles. Here I give it to next reason. If you learn to pay attention to someone other than yourself, your mind will be less occupied with fear of possibilities and plagued by doubts. You will stop endlessly thinking about yourself, about how you look, talk and what people think about you.

You will look at other people and engage in dialogue with them. You will take your mind off your fears and see in other people much that you had not noticed in them before. You will realize that you and other people have more similarities than differences. And therefore there is no need to be afraid of anyone.

You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. Therefore, you should not react painfully to your mistakes and failures, which undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that's okay.

Therefore, be calm about your mistakes. If you feel that you did something wrong or said something wrong, then simply draw conclusions from this situation, learn a lesson. Try not to make this mistake in the future, instead of worrying about how stupid you were.

It's human nature to make mistakes, there's nothing wrong with that.

The people around you most likely have many flaws and weaknesses, even if they seem very confident. You don’t need to think that when you find yourself in society, you become in the position of a small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you may be surrounded by people who are just as meek and self-doubting as you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.

You should not be afraid of people, especially if they cannot do you any harm. Do not be shy in front of your bosses, women or men, or colleagues. They are people just like you.

You shouldn’t go out of your way to convince people that you are the smartest, the most sophisticated, the most erudite, the most “correct.” Such attempts, as a rule, indicate uncertainty about some of your qualities. When you are not too confident in your mind, you try to make other people believe in it.

Therefore, in some cases, vanity, boasting, and excessive assertiveness in communication can indicate internal self-doubts.

So stop bragging and trying to impress every person. First of all, you need to convince yourself that you are worth something. Be who you are when interacting with other people.

Undoubtedly, moderate modesty is a virtue. You don’t need to appear better than you are, but you also shouldn’t seem worse than you are. Everything must have a limit. Don't be shy about speaking directly about your strengths if you are asked about them (for example, in an interview).

If you are not afraid to talk about your strengths, it shows your confidence in those qualities. And when other people see that you are confident, they become confident in you. They think: “I see that this person does not doubt himself, and since he does not doubt, then most likely he has nothing to doubt, and I can also be confident in him.”

And if other people praise your qualities, then without embarrassment, accept their compliments as if you deserved it. Thank people for their kind words towards you.

Despite the fact that a little higher in the article I advised being yourself and not pretending, I still recommend portraying self-confidence in situations where you feel a lack of this quality.

Firstly, appearing confident is simply beneficial, for the reason that people themselves become more confident in you. It is a fact that people who are insecure are less liked and respected.

Secondly, when you simply pretend that you are confident, you actually become confident. After all, very often feelings of uncertainty and doubt have nothing to do with your actual qualities. These are just emotions that can be overcome. And when you try to do something different instead of following their lead, you take control of them.

Smile more, be interested in other people's problems, encourage them. This will endear your interlocutors to you. And when people are friendly towards you, it is easier for you to maintain self-confidence.

Do not withdraw into yourself, speak openly about your views and thoughts if the situation allows and this will not disturb the comfort of other people.

Previously, when I was an insecure person, I always had something on my mind, not letting it go. But this did not help me gain faith in myself, on the contrary, it only contributed to the fact that I lost it. As a result of self-development, I became very open. It seems to me that for my close people I am always in full view.

On the one hand, I am confident in my thoughts, so I speak about them directly. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not be understood or will be criticized. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m wrong, to renounce my views if someone convinces me otherwise.

I am interested in discussing with people on topics that concern me, learning other people’s opinions, expanding my horizons.

When I talk about myself out loud, when I present my thoughts to everyone, then I have to eliminate all doubts, since I do this. And such an action helps to be more confident in myself, because I expose myself to the test of the opportunity to face someone else’s opinion. Under the influence of these factors, self-confidence blossoms!

Don't wait for someone to pour out their soul to you first to open your soul to that person. Take the first step (although the circumstances must be suitable, there is no need to pour out your soul unnecessarily. You should start a sincere dialogue as delicately as possible, removing all barriers). Be frank with your interlocutor, and then the interlocutor will be frank with you. And when someone opens up to you, then your self-confidence will increase!

Of course, appearance has some meaning, but charisma, intelligence and charm mean incomparably more! 😉

Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of your interlocutors, do not make unnecessary hand gestures. Don’t crumple your fingers, don’t pick your lips, don’t “uh-huh.” Just watch yourself, the position of your body, hone your communication skills and then, sooner or later, it will start to work out for you.

Have a strong position and unshakable views regarding certain things. Don't rush to agree with everyone. A firm position does not mean blind stubbornness in opinion. This also does not mean that you always need to aggressively defend your opinion, or engage in long, meaningless arguments (although, in some situations, you have to defend yourself).

This means having a strong, well-founded, thoughtful position, a set of one’s own principles that cannot be shaken by every random opinion.

I am confident that I am doing the right thing by maintaining this site and filling it with articles. I believe that meditation is beneficial, and people are missing out on many of the benefits if they give up the practice. I am sure that people themselves are responsible for their own shortcomings. I am sure that every person...

I have strong principles and views on which my words and actions are based and therefore I am confident in those words and actions. This confidence helps me continue to do what I do. Sometimes clouds of doubt begin to obscure it, but behind these clouds you can always see the Sun, because it never disappears.

Form your own life position. Understand what you want from life. Think about your principles, stick to them, but avoid stubbornness, blind enthusiasm and rejection of other people's opinions! Maintain a balance between moderate healthy stubbornness and softness, be flexible but firm, rely on the opinions of other people, but do not depend on them!

Formulate your principles. Let me give you an example of this principle: “if you show diligence, everything will work out.” Realize how confident you are in this principle. Reason like this: “the experience of many people confirms this principle. The one who really strives for something does not give up, only he achieves something. Therefore, I can be confident in this principle. And it doesn't matter what others say! They can say anything!” Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will be obscured by doubt, then return again to your inner confidence, again and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in life and in experience.

You don't necessarily need to take any special courses to improve your self-confidence. Why do this, why pay money, when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?

Why would you train in some artificial situations when life gives you the opportunity to hone your skills in real situations?

You need self-confidence for life, so learn from life!

Meet other people, go to meetings, group events (it’s better to abstain from alcohol; I wrote why in an article about). Put the recommendations I have given into practice, take care of yourself, be aware of your fear and uncertainty. Try to understand what things you are unsure about and why. What are you going to do about it?

are great free lessons in business communication and self-confidence. Just remember to put a salary above your current level on your resume. The higher the salary you ask for, the harder it is to justify that you are worthy of the money. But in the process of such communication, your self-confidence will strengthen.

A side effect of such training may be that you find a more suitable job for yourself for more money. Isn’t it tempting to not pay for lessons and get them yourself?

Of course, it is very difficult to be confident in your qualities if these qualities are poorly developed. Self-confidence must be based on something real, on your actual merits.

Of course, self-perception and emotional state are very important components of self-confidence. People need to stop belittling their merits and learn to cope with doubts, as I wrote about above.

But, unfortunately, this alone is not enough. I think it's not entirely correct to convince them that they are better than they really are. Increasing self-confidence must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, so that something in a person can be confident.

Therefore, develop your personal qualities. This blog is dedicated to how to do this. Read my articles, try to apply the recommendations. , improve self-control.

Read more books any direction: fiction, science books, educational books, etc.

Improve your professional qualities. Think about what you want. Follow this goal.

Always strive to learn something new about this world, to learn some skills. As you master certain skills, your confidence in those skills increases. After all, it is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time to and what you do better than others.

Think about what you are good at.

If you constantly learn something, put your skills into practice, and see the impact of your actions, then there will be much less room for self-doubt!

Update 01/22/2014: As I read in the book, it turns out that people who think that all their qualities are given by nature and cannot be changed are less confident in themselves than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with the so-called fixed mindset (qualities cannot be developed) believe that if they are shy, lack charm, and are not smart enough, then this will always be the case. Therefore, they are afraid of communication, since it will once again remind them of their “ineradicable” shortcomings.

But people with a growth mindset (traits that can be developed), on the contrary, do not miss the opportunity to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the very fact that they are not smart and self-confident does not mean that this will always be the case. It may be difficult for them to communicate and believe in themselves yet, but everything can be developed. That is why failures do not undermine these people’s self-confidence. They are not afraid of challenges and are only looking for a reason to develop themselves and become better!

Someone else's criticism is not a death sentence for them. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development. Failures are no longer failures, they become valuable lessons. Willingness for trials and failures, healthy stubbornness and intransigence build people’s self-confidence! And if you do not strive to develop your qualities and consider yourself a worthless person who will never be capable of anything, you will never achieve anything and will not be able to develop self-confidence.

Therefore, I reminded you once again that any qualities can be developed! Every person can change! You suffer from self-doubt not because you are “that kind of person”, but because you have not made any effort to change!

I have already said that you should know your strengths. But besides this, you need to know your shortcomings. For what? To be calm about them and understand what you need to work on.

Instead of thinking: “I’m so bad, I can’t do anything,” you need to think like this: “I can do this, this and that, but I’m weak in this, this and that. I can improve some qualities, some I don’t need at all, and with some of them I can’t do anything. It’s normal, because you can’t be perfect.”

Make a list of what you are good at and what you are bad at. And think about what you can improve in yourself. Take these shortcomings not as a given, not as something unchangeable, but as a frontier for future work.

Yes, you don’t know how to do something now, but in the future the situation may change thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence in your abilities, which will not hurt you at all.

If you believe that practically any qualities can be developed (and this is undoubtedly possible) and strive for this, then you will stop avoiding those life situations that you were afraid of due to self-doubt. Because, as I said earlier, many of these life situations are training for your personality traits.

Are you bad at communication? Instead of avoiding communication, on the contrary, communicate! This is the only way you can develop your communication skills.

Are you afraid of speaking in public because you think you're bad at it? There is only one way to learn this and I think you can guess which one.

Do not avoid what you are afraid of, work on eliminating your shortcomings, those qualities of your personality that you are not sure of. Learn new skills and put those skills into practice in a variety of life situations. Instead of giving in to difficulties, overcome them armed with the desire to develop. And then you will open up many more life opportunities than if you just sat with your hands folded.

If you don’t know how to do something, or doubt some of your qualities, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something is impossible to achieve, then there is no point in being sad about it! Why worry about something you can't change? Accept it!

Tip 25 – Don’t wait for confidence to appear – take action

This is the last and most important advice. You don't have to wait until you don't have any doubts or fears before you decide to do anything. You can wait in vain for this state to appear all your life without starting to do anything.

Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember, I said that doubts accompany any bold endeavor. And you will not be able to become confident in yourself until you begin to step over your fears, act contrary to them, not paying attention to your anxiety and uncertainty.

Your goal is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to ignore it! And the more control you gain over it, the smaller it becomes. Therefore, do not wait until it becomes easy, act now, through strength, through uncertainty. Then life with all its troubles will strengthen your character and it will become as hard as a diamond and indestructible as a typhoon!